Friday, March 25, 2011

Stolen Office Supplies

Every so often (as one would expect in a large office building) stuff from my desk goes missing.

The first time it happened, it was one of the plants in the plant box on the side of my desk. I had barely been at this job for a month and someone took my plant. I didn't buy the plant. It is part of the companies way of trying to make people forget that they are stuck in an office building with no windows and no connection to the outside world. (Is it snowing? Sunny? Warm? Cold? We have a skylight next to our desks, but it doesn't do much to tell us the weather outside)

Regardless of the fact that the plant was no more mine than anyone else's I took it personally. Here I was "the new kid" and the office was "a buzz" about there being a new person because A) most of the people who work here have been here for 25 years and B) Everyone is a good 15-20 years older than me at least...so EVERYONE knew about me. Who I was. Who I worked for. And where I sat. So, the plant stealer had to have known that when they were stealing that plant, that it belonged to me. It was a personal attack. I was sad. Silly I know.

The wonderful Plant Lady brought me a new one the next week and all was well in the world. No one has stolen another plant (which may or may not have to do with the electrical fence I put around them).

However, as time goes on things disappear. It happens. Someone borrows a pen and forgets to bring it back. Which is why I have learned to have a crappy pen collection that I let people borrow and a good pen collection that I hide in a travel mug on my desk. Someone borrows your tape dispenser and leaves it where they were using it. It happens.

SO….when I noticed that my stapler had disappeared I was mildly annoyed that someone was touching things on my desk without asking, but it was ugly and gray and I didn’t really care too much. Miss. Sass was at a different location yesterday so I just used hers. I completely forgot all about it since ours look the same.

This morning she starts talking about someone stealing her stapler and I immediately had to come clean that this time, I was indeed the office supplies thief. Rather than going back and forth with the stapler, like we do with the master key to the Executive offices, I decided just to order myself another one. A pink one of course. I figured that I needed to order something that no one else had so I would know when it was stolen and who did it.

I realized that since I would now have a pink stapler that I would need a new tape dispenser since they would no longer match. That’s where this little number comes in:

Amazing right? I know. I couldn’t resist.

So, I hit “Check out” and submitted my order feeling incredibly proud of myself. I printed out the receipt and filed it for my PCard statement.

That was when I decided that I needed something out of the top drawer of my desk. I don’t remember what because I forgot as soon as I opened the drawer. Guess what I found?

The GOD DAMN STAPLER!

After I had been looking for it for two days. I find it in my damn drawer.

GOOOOOOO ME!

It was pretty upsetting to find out that I was the office supplies thief. I mean how many people set out in a criminal investigation only to find out that they are in fact the criminal themselves. Never saw that one coming. Maybe I should write a book. The Case of the Missing Stapler. Although you all know the ending now. Will you still act surprised when you read it? Thanks! It could be a whole series even...I could write about the plant, my purple pen etc. There is no end to the material I have for my new office-mysteries series!

It’s Friday and it is quite obvious that I need it to be 4:30 PM because obviously I am struggling to get through this week! Haha! I blame it on the lack of sleep. For whatever reason the amount of sleep that I am getting is just NOT enough. Although I thought I was doing better with going to bed earlier. I really am trying to convince my body that it is not a 400 lb 60 year old man, but in fact a no-I-am-not-telling-you-how-much-I-weigh lb 25 year old woman. It’s not getting message though. UG! I think I just need some warm weather and some sunshine. That should do the trick.

Eh, whatever your plans are for this weekend I hope that they are merry and bright. I’m still working on the whole Petite Lap Giraffe situation (who I have already named Jerome). Big A and I have been discussing what type of behavior will and won’t be appropriate when Jerome comes to live with us. Big A has been practicing his inside voice as to not spook the little guy! Haha! He deals with my insanity so well!

Adios all and have a fabulous weekend! (Although we all know that I will probably get bored and be back in like… two hours…but at least before the weekend is over haha)

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