Sunday, January 30, 2011
We are supposed to be getting more snow next week. I've heard 12" to 16". I've heard 15" to 20". Either way, it's insane. I get that it's winter and I really don't want to be another one of those people who complain about the snow and the cold, because let's face it... I live in New England. This is pretty normal. However, everything is starting to feel a little... claustrophobic.
The backyard seems smaller. The roads seem smaller. Everything seems to be smaller. I just think with everything going on, I need some sunshine. Some warmth. I've been in a bit of denial. Every day that is over 35 degrees I refuse to wear a jacket. Smart. Yes. I know.
Let's be honest... Big A is loving the money he is getting from plowing (he smartly used some of it to buy "me" a new vacuum today!). We are starting to save a bit more and it will really come in handy. It's also really nice to have a little more breathing room when it comes to bills. However, the poor man has been working non-stop.
It has either been snowing on his day off (he has Wednesdays & Sundays off) or the snow day turns into his day off (which kinda stinks that he doesn't get the day off, but his boss has been amazing about letting him get his plow work done). Add that to working his regular full-time job. Plus, all of the truck maintenance he has needed to do, the work on my car that was needed, and then all of the other regular stuff that we have to do to take care of the apartment... he's been burning the candle at both ends. And he's dealing with it a lot better than I would. I'm pretty sure that I would be crying in a corner by now!
I'm just hoping for his sake (and let's be honest...mine too!) that it starts slowing down a bit with the snow. We need some time to relax and get a little quality time in. Without one of us falling asleep at 9:45!
Looks like I'm not going to get my wish next week, but maybe February will go a little easier on us. Here's hoping...
Saturday, January 29, 2011
After my last point, I'm sure you can gather that I'm in a little over my head with everything. Feeling a bit overwhelmed. Really just trying to find a way to stay sane and make it out the other side all in once piece. I just feel like every time I start to get my head above the water, another huge wave comes crashing. I mean to be completely honest, I don't need this shit. I really don't.
Case in point:
In the past few months, we have had two new neighbors move in. One moved into the apartment we were supposed to get, and the other moved into the apartment below us. And let's just put this honestly... it has been complete hell! They suck. Plain and simple. Let me explain...
They are both women. They both moved in within a couple months of each other. They both think that Big A and I are here for their every need. They want us (well more him... but I'm the one who gets to hear about it) to move furniture, fix things, shovel their stairs, etc. etc. etc. It's been a constant battle. With all of the snow, it's been even worse. Big A plows our driveway. And last year, even with our landlord living here, it went off without a hitch. No one complained. Everyone was grateful. It was wonderful.
This year, Big A can't do anything right. One of them refuses to move her car, so we have this gigantic pile in the driveway from ALL of the snowstorms! It's ridiculous. Then she complains that Big A didn't clean out around her car. Then she complained that no one shoveled her step. THEN she complained that no one shoveled the walkway so the mailman didn't deliver the mail. Let's get a few things straight:
1) Big A has NEVER been responsible for shoveling out someone's car because they refused to move it during the storm.
2) Everyone has always been responsible for shoveling their own stairs. Does it suck that right now the front steps to the mailboxes are covered in ice? Yes. But the girl who lives in that apartment has every right to do what she wants with those steps. I'm not cleaning it. So we just make do. Whatever.
3) We NEVER shoveled the walkway. I don't know if the people who lived in Crazy Lady's apartment before did it, if the snow wasn't so bad last year, or if the mailman was a little more adventurous in 2010, but the issue never came up.
It's ridiculous. Then when Big A won't do whatever she wants, she either comes banging on the door later while we are eating dinner to try again OR she picks a fight with him, yells at him, is incredibly rude to him, and then waits for him to not be home and then comes to tell ME how rude he is. Give me a break lady!
Now, it seems that the one downstairs has joined forces with Crazy Lady because she has told me that Big A HAS TO help her move a couch that she isn't even sure will fit through her door. She wondered why Big A hadn't shoveled the front walkway as well. And she most recently attacked me as I got out of my car the other night to tell me how Big A had blocked in her front door with the snow (listen Lady, that's how much snow fell, it's not a pile that he left there. Also, if you had moved your car... he would have plowed out that spot) and that it was a fire hazard and legally there couldn't be snow there.
SO... Big A left her a note asking her to move her car when there is a storm (whether she plans on being home or not... watch the weather... they usually give you a heads up!) and that from now on if she has a complaint to talk to him since I was NOT responsible for snow removal.
I was proud of him keeping it short and sweet. Especially, when drafts 1-3 were a little bit more... ummm... expressive. However, the next night get gets a note back that was probably one of the rudest things I have ever read. I won't get into details, but I remember thinking WOW, this woman is a bitch! Ya. It was bad. Then she told Big A that he needs to clear out the snow from her other exit because that is another illegal, fire hazard. I mean really. C'mon.
It's just frustrating. I'm sick of dealing with shitty neighbors. I'm sick of being miserable in my own home. I WISH that we could just find & buy a house and get out of here. But... that's not happening for awhile. So... I will leave my neighbors with my own little note:
Dear Crazy Lady & Bitchy Basement Woman,
Please go to Home Depot and spend the $10 to buy yourself a shovel. This is New England. It snows. You know this. I promise you that it wouldn't kill either one of you to clean up your own shit. Thanks so kindly!
Ug. Anyone else have annoying neighbors? Or am I the only one in hell here?
Thursday, January 27, 2011
I was all set to write about my weekend, but then none of that seemed to matter. I mean it does, but it just turned into another avalanche. Let's start from the beginning.
Back in August, a friend of mine passed away. Unexpectedly. Out of nowhere. A giant bitch slap from life (seems to happen more often than I would like). I mean I guess I could have seen it coming, but you never do. It was nowhere. I found out from facebook. It seemed so impersonal. I mean honestly, facebook should have had a warning. Hey guess what?! Your whole life is going to change with the first status update that you see. This is one thing I hate about the whole social media, texting, electronic communication, etc. explosion. It makes things impersonal. Sometimes that's nice, but in this case. It sucked.
Then it started. The... What? When? How? Why? It was a mass confusion of e-mails, text messages, phone calls, etc. until I had received enough information to fully process the situation. Which then allowed me to break down. It was inevitable. But, I couldn't deal. Old people die. Sick people die. 25 year old are NOT supposed to die. It's not right. It's not fair. And it's fucked up. So, I did what I do best when I can't handle a situation...I go numb. If I can't deal. I don't. Healthy. I know.
So, I went through the motions. I went to the wake. I saw my friends. We reminisced. I did everything I could to avoid the sadness. He was gone. There was nothing I could do. Why dwell? Once again... healthy.
Last Saturday, we all met again for a memorial fundraiser. Slightly better circumstances, but it still sucked. We all received memorial bracelets that say "Forever young, Forever Loved". I haven't taken mine off. I found myself more emotional for that then the wake. That caught me off guard. I went with C and had P meet me there. It was great to hang out with C again. She knew what I was going through. It was nice to have P there too. She didn't know him and was thus not emotionally involved. I looked at her at one point and said "He would have loved this" and she have me a smile and a hug and that was it. She got it. She knew. There was no point in dwelling.
I left Saturday feeling a little more closure than I had gone in with. I talked with old friends and we vowed to try to meet again under better circumstances. Since it seems we get our own mini reunions whenever these type of situations rear their ugly puss-ridden heads. And then... it happened again.
We lost another friend. That weekend. Another facebook slap. Welcome to Facebook! Your day is going to suck from this moment forward. Fuck you! Have a nice day! Great.
And everything came rushing back. All the feelings. All the hurt. All the pain. Were we really doing this again? Is this really happening? What the FUCK?
I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say. I don't know why I get to keep going when they are gone. I don't understand. And I think that's OK. Because you can't make sense of the senseless. So, I will leave you with what comfort I received. A verse written on the back of his Memorial Card. I hope you take it to heart as I have.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Let's back track a little though. Guess what it is doing in New England???
Give up??? It's snowing. Well... it was. Another storm. Not too bad this time. It sucked to drive to work, but I was here on-time (yay me!) I was pretty excited to be "concerned about my drive home and leave early" except it stopped completely at 12:00 PM. So... no dice. Full day of work for me!
It's non-stop. I mean shame on me for blogging at work...shh... I mean at home...outside of work hours... but you would think that I could have 3 seconds to myself. Impossible. I literally feel like I am this mad ADD kid bouncing around a fun house because her babysitter gave her too much sugar and forgot the Ritalin at home. That's me right about.... now.
Thankfully, it is Friday and one of these huge projects will be off my lap next week. That would be LOVELY because I'm pretty much at the point that I am so stressed out that if one more person gives me even the slightest bit of attitude then I am going.to.SNAP! It won't be pretty. I came pretty close to losing it at work today, but I somehow remembered my count-to-ten... imagine you are in your happy place...take a deep breathe...freaking out on a fellow employee will result in loss of job mantra and I was able to get my blood to stop boiling.
(Side note: These are times when I wish that Big A read my blog. This way he would know what was going on and maybe not be so surprised when he gets home and I have a bottle of wine tipped completely vertically above my head and I'm blubbering about how life sucks. Then again if he knew he was coming home to that then he probably would never come home...OK... scratch that. I'm glad Big A doesn't read this!)
Anyway, got some fun plans for the weekend so that's getting me through this hellish last hour. There's a memorial benefit going on for a friend of mine who passed away in August. It will be good to see everyone together again (and in a bit of a lighter situation) for a good cause. I'll go a little more into that another time. No need to go through the whole long sordid story now. We all know that I will get interrupted a thousand times and this story deserves some devoted time.
Soo... now I am off to attempt to be productive for my last 45 minutes and then somehow chisel all of the snow off my car and make the fun ride home with all of the other assholes trying to make their way home on a Friday night. Only most of them won't have cleaned their cars off fully, so I will have fun getting pelted by chunks of snow aaaalllll the way home! Woo hoo!
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Today has been a particularly stressful day at work. Last night was a particularly stressful night at home. 2011 has been a particularly stressful year. (along with 2010, 2009, 2008, etc.) And I found myself on the verge of FREAKING THE FUCK OUT!!! Around lunch time today.
I was stalled in my projects (because everyone loves to be stuck due to someone else when they have 30,000 things to do and short deadlines to do them in...fun) so I decided to let myself enjoy lunch. After lunch I received an e-mail that I forgot to send a file to someone. It was on my to-do list. Problem was....
Look how neat and tidy!
By the end of this, I was trying to figure out how I could get out of work early and go clean my house. I may go into a frenzy when I get anxious, but at least everything around me is clean and organized. Which is what I did to most of the apartment a couple weeks ago. I know I know... pictures coming soon. I suck!
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
This is my parking space after clearing it off. I really only cleaned off the windows so I could move it and clear off the rest where Big A could plow easier. So that's all snow that fell, not from my car.
Another shot of the giant crater that my car left in the snow!
See, I wasn't joking. Craziness. I worked from home today, thanks to my amazing boss. Big A went out around 5:30 AM and came back around 2:00ish. He stayed for a couple hours and then headed back out around 4:30 PM. It's almost 8:30 and he is still out. Poor guy. He's going to be exhausted for the rest of the week.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Don't wanna listen? Feel free to skip this one.
Yesterday, I woke up to find that our fridge and freezer shit the bed. I went and got ice, packed what food I could into the coolers we had, called the landlord, and only managed to be 35 minutes late to work. WAH!
Last night, I had to go through the fridge and clean out all of the Tupperware filled with leftovers that were now bad. Two full trash bags of food later, and countless future lunches and dinners ruined... it was all clean.
Today they came and brought us a "new" fridge. Thank goodness Pa Dukes was able to hang at our apartment with Mr. Fresh so Big A and I didn't have to take any time off of work. He was also nice enough to put the food back into the fridge when everything was said and done.
Unfortunately, not everything made it. This is what we were left with:
Mix that with poor Mr. Fresh leaving proof of his upset stomach all over my bedroom floor (Thanks Papa for cleaning most of it up!) it's been quite the past couple days.
And in honor of my new attempt at looking at the good in bad situations I give you the silver linings:
Silver Linings: It's not my house so I don't have to pay for it. The rug and floor needed to be cleaned anyway. Procrastination proved once again to be the right choice since I almost went grocery shopping on Sunday!
I feel like 25 is a transition year for me. I think everyone has an age or time in their life where something happens (or really nothing), but they just find themselves changing. It’s almost like a caterpillar forming its cocoon, or snake shedding it’s skin. That’s where I am now.
I’ve joked about the whole “25 year old me” thing, but it’s really honestly how I feel. I feel like 25 created a new me. With new ideas, goals, focuses, etc. It’s like I woke up that morning going, “OK, I’m 25. Time to get my shit together. Let’s do this!”
The first part that has changed is… well… me. I find my priorities to be changing. Settling down, making a home, finding a career, and really figuring out what I want to do and where I want to go. I was having a conversation with Big A the other day and I uttered this words: “Ya know, it’s all well and good to talk about our hopes and our dreams. To talk about where we want to go and what we want to do. But, at some point we are going to have to get off of our asses and do something. And, I’m pretty sure that time is now. We aren’t getting any younger.”
It’s true. The whole, when I’m older I want to… enter dream, idea, want, wish, etc. here is NOW. I’m 25… when I’m older is NOW. So, I’m really trying to throw myself into work, continue showing them that I am a kick ass employee, and figure out just where I want to go in the company. The opportunities are endless. I’ve even signed up for a few trainings. I’m hoping that at some point in the year I have an idea about where I am going and what I want to do so I can start planning my career path. My bosses have talked to me numerous times, expressing their support for whatever I want to do or find out about. I really need to start taking advantage of that.
Big A and I have been having the house discussion again lately. Some new information has become available and I really think that we need to seriously start pursuing this goal. I know that right NOW we aren’t in the position to sign papers and buy a house, but we really need to start getting ourselves in the position that we can one day. When we were looking for apartments, we kept saying that we were going to save money… we were going to save money… we were going to save money. Guess what? We never did. It finally got to a point when I found an apartment in our price range, pulled the trigger, and with some last minute penny pinching and some help from our parents, we got together enough money to move in by the skin of our nose. This is not an option when it comes to buying a house. There really is no way of us pulling a down payment and closing costs (plus whatever money we would need to fix it up before move-in) out of our asses right before we sign the papers. We are slick, but not that slick. So we have made plans to start saving. 2011 is the year of DOING. We are really going to try to follow through with all of those amazing ideas that we came up with last year. Like I said, the time is now.
Another part of me that is changing is my tolerance for clutter. Between rearranging the living room for Christmas decorations, along with all of the stuff we got for my birthday and for Christmas, our house was being taken over my clutter. It was eve.ry.where. So… I made a plan. I have a list of everything that I think needs to be done for me to be happy. Big A has agreed and we have been trying to do a little each day. These include:
· Throwing away all of the useless junk we were too lazy to throw away before
· Find new ways to organize what junk we do need to keep
o Enter millions of types of baskets that I purchased at Target to organize:
§ The top of the refrigerator
§ The closet in the bathroom
§ The shelves over the toilet
§ Installing new shelves in the bathroom for more storage space
§ Installing new shelved in the cabinets in the kitchen for more organization of our cook/bake ware
§ Taking all of the nice, pretty baskets that I cleaned out by putting the stuff in the not so pretty baskets and using them in more “see-able” areas for organization and style
· Finally putting a laundry hamper in the bathroom so that Big A can continue to throw his dirty laundry there, but it isn’t a dirty, messy pile (They really are right when they tell you to pick your battles…after over a year of fighting this one, I finally let it go)
· Going through all of our clothes and throwing away the gross, worn-out stuff and donating all of the stuff that doesn’t fit us, we don’t want, we never wear, etc. This will clean out a good portion of my closet and Big A’s dressers. With some free space in the dressers, I can move some of my clothes there and hopefully use the closet for more storage space.
Like I said, we are trying. Bit by bit. With that being said, us both being sick and our fridge shitting the bed really threw a wrench in our plans. BUT, we are both feeling better and our new fridge arrives today, so hopefully we will be back on track tomorrow. I plan to use the time during the snowstorm (which I will be working from home for, but hoping that not many other people are working so it will be a nice calm quiet day) to catch up on our to-do list.
Things are looking up. Things are getting in order. And the best part of it is that Big A is on-board too. It takes a little poking and prodding, but he eventually jumps in and helps. So here’s to 2011. New out-looks. New goals. New plans. And new ACTIONS.
Side note: Stay tuned for a little before/after post of my organizational craziness!
Monday, January 10, 2011
This weekend was a bit of a drag. I found myself feeling a mixture of feeling like I swallowed broken glass/rust razor blades and getting hit by a truck. It was a blast. Needless to say, my couch and I strengthened our relationship with each other.
Ya… I wish.
That’s what I SHOULD have done. I SHOULD have rested and taken care of myself. But, what did I do instead… I went crazy. Things needed to be organized. It wasn’t a choice.
So, I spent most of Saturday organizing. I put the rest of our new kitchen stuff that we got from my Aunt into the cabinets with the wonderful new shelves that my dad installed. Then, I started going through stuff that we didn’t need and threw it away. I attacked the gigantic pile of dishes that were waiting for me in the sink. Then I did 6 thousand loads of laundry.
(I’m sure that’s an exaggeration, but it really felt that way)
When that wasn’t enough, I decided that I needed to go to the mall. Because… ya know… doesn’t everyone go to the mall when they feel like complete ass? The big sign to not go should have been that I needed to have Pickles drive because I felt. Ya. When you can’t drive yourself somewhere, it’s usually a sign that you should stay home. But no… I continued on.
I had things I needed to return, so I did that first. Then we went to Macy’s and attempted to spend the ridiculous (in a good way) amount of gift cards that I had for the store. I left with a new knife set. We needed one, so it wasn’t a total fail. But really? What the hell else am I going to buy there? UG!
When we got back to my apartment, Big A was just pulling in the driveway. I spent all of two seconds sitting on the couch, before one of Big A’s friends came over and we went out to eat across the street. When we got home we decided to watch a movie that I bought Big A for Christmas and I got completely sucked in. Unfortunately, this meant me being up until 11:45 despite the fact that I was EXHAUSTED to watch the end of it. Although, if you really think about it, it’s not that late for a Saturday night. But… I should have gone to bed sooner.
So, I once again pumped myself full of NyQuil and went off into
On Sunday, I miraculously felt 1,000 times better. HA! I had beaten this cold. Take that!
So, I continued going full speed. I did some more laundry. I went to Target and got some more stuff to help us organize. When I got home, my car was doing that whole “your apartment doesn’t have gutters so when the snow starts to melt it drips onto your parking space, but melts into a sheet of ice so I’m not going to stay in one place I’m going to slide down the driveway even when I’m in park thing!”
(It really is a blast. I’m lucky that this time I was still in the car when it happened. The first time, I was in the back yard taking Mr. Fresh out when I saw my car rolls backwards down the hill. Thankfully it didn’t go far, and the kid that lived next door wasn’t home so his car wasn’t in the spot that my car rolled to.)
So… I parked at the bottom of the driveway. Poured some salt over the ice. Chipped away at it a bit. And then moved my car back. SUCCESS!
By that time, Big A had come home and we made another trip to the mall. He had to exchange some stuff at Sears and I pretended that I was going to do more shopping. But, I hate the mall and I had already been there longer in the past two days, than I probably was in all of 2010. So we did Sears and had lunch.
When we got home, we folded the 6 thousand loads of laundry that I did the day before and by that time it was time for me to go to my parents’ house for dinner. Where I did more laundry (ya, I had been slacking for some time on the laundry front, but in my defense I said the maid quit weeks ago and no one did it… so not my fault!)
So… it’s with great surprise that after all of this “resting” I woke up feeling like crap again this morning. SHOCKER! UG! And to top it all off… our refrigerator and freezer broke in the middle of the night, so Big A and I woke up to melted/defrosted things to clean! FUN!
The good news is that our landlord has already ordered another one and it should be there tomorrow. Unfortunately, this is not how I would have liked to have started my Monday morning. Especially when I feel like I have a jack hammer going off in my head and we were all out of half & half for my coffee.
Silver lining: I had to run down to the store to get ice to pack all of our food in a cooler. So I grabbed half & half when I was there. Being late to work for a busted fridge is absolutely acceptable. Being late to work because you had to go to the store to buy half & half because your coffee addictions is almost in need of an intervention because it’s so bad… not acceptable. So… my food may be rotting and the next 36 hours may be a shit show… but I had my coffee this morning… SCORE!
So, that was my super fun weekend. Anyone else actually have a good time this weekend? Or do you have some fun disaster stories to share with me so I don’t feel so bad?
Friday, January 7, 2011
Although I will say, I can't complain about the work. It's job security. There's weeks where I am so bored and have so much downtime that I wonder if they are going to find out that they don't need me. Weeks like these reassure me. I know in this economy I am lucky to have a job and I am sure that there are a few hundred people willing to replace me if I am no longer capable of completing my tasks...so I'm going to continue to be a good Doobie and just suck it up.
It's been a good first week of 2011. Well... kinda. Everybody and their mother is sick. Everyone we hung out with on New Year's all caught the same thing. Poor Big A was down for the count most of the week. I did my good girlfriend duties and pampered him while making sure to stuff him full of meds and lots of water so his cold didn't get too bad. He's feeling much better now and I was honestly a little surprised when he thanked me last night for everything I did and putting up with him while he was... well... let's just say less than perfect all week. I guess I shouldn't be surprised because he is always appreciative of what I do... I just don't think of it as something that he has to thank me for... I do it because I love him. Bottom line. It is nice to know that what I do is recognized and that he makes sure that I know he does. And I would hope so... seeing as how I think I now have his cold...DAMN IT!!!
Yep. Sick. Sick just in time for the weekend. Sick just in time for everyone else to be better. Bummer. What are you going to do though? I'd rather be sick over the weekend than have to miss out on work...I can't believe I just said that! I have too much crap to do to be sick though. UG!
I've decided that 2011 is going to be the year of new beginnings. Big A are on a fresh new start as the new and improved us. We are making a mental note to remember all of the lessons we learned last year and use them to prevent the same situations from happening again. We are rearranging and organizing the apartment since we have decided that we can't live in this chaos anymore. Bit by bit it's getting better. Thank God! I was beginning to feel like I was suffocating in my own house. Ever have that feeling? That you have so much crap taking up your space that you feel like the walls are closing in on you and you don't know where to start? That's us right now. We started by cleaning up all of the Christmas decorations and getting rid of our tree. That made a huge difference.
Pa Dukes is currently saving our asses by installing some handy-dandy shelves in places that we need more storage. This will allow us to be more organized. I'm so glad that I have such a great Papa who is willing to help us out with the improvements that we need to do on our apartment. Just wait until we have a house Dad! Think of all the fun projects you will have to do! Yay! Haha. Poor guy!
That's all for now. Just a quick little update. I'm off to go be Suzy Homemaker and cook something delicious for dinner (another New Year's Improvement Plan Item - Resolution sounds too daunting - cook more. Try new recipes. And actually eat out leftovers - if we have any!) Hope everyone is having a great 2011 so far! It seems like everyone else was just as ready for 2010 to end as I was, so hopefully you are all still feeling happy and positive!
Monday, January 3, 2011
I got amped up for New Years by spending my time doing a whole lot of nothing and catching up with friends. Plus, a fantastic trip sledding. To which I realized why most 25 year olds don't go sledding... the hike up the hill was so much more exciting when I was little.
New Year's we hung out with some great friends. I promise if I find post-able pictures, I'll upload them... unfortunately... three days later... I still haven't found one. Sad. It was fun, but I also learned another lesson... I am too old to drink like I am 21.
Saturday wasn't as much fun as one would have thought. Go figure. I spent some good quality time with Big A and Mr. Fresh and that was all I needed anyway. Big A and I have decided that this is our year! 2010 was spent really getting to know each other more and learn how to live together. We worked out all of the kinks just in time and it's good to have us back.
And of course, what kind of weekend recap post would this be if I didn't comment on the Patriots DESTROYING the Miami Dolphins. It was an amazing game. A little too easy. Now we have to wait two more weeks until the next game. It's not over yet. Two more games and that only secures us for the Super Bowl...not a win. I'm rootin' for my boys, they have had a phenomenal season!
Today was back to work. Bummer. It was really hard to get up this morning and actually peel my lazy ass out of bed and go to work. Blah.
I know everyone is talking about their New Year's Resolutions, but I really didn't make any. I'm going to try to be a healthy, happier me. That's it. And if you ask me, we should all be trying to do that no matter what.
So Happy New Year Everyone! I hope you all had a great weekend and that 2011 has been good to you so far and continues to do so!