Tuesday, January 24, 2012


After a night of barely enough sleep to function like a rational human being (no, not last night I am writing this in the past... spooooky). I was on a considerably long car ride with someone and ALL I wanted was to sit in silence. I was tired. I spent the entire car ride, answering in one word answers, wondering how I could nicely put "shut the f*ck up and leave me alone". Which, I never did. So they talked the entire car ride...about....well...nothing really.

That's when I realized, I am just cranky enough to write a straight to the point "all about me" guide, but awake enough to actually make it make sense.

You with me?

Sooo.... here is a list of all of the wonderful things that make ME... Me! Follow them, and we should get along just fine.

1. If I'm quiet. I don't want to talk. I am either tired, pissed, sad, etc. and I am not talking for a reason. Trust me, 95% of the time I don't shut the eff up. Seriously. And trying to make me talk will end badly. Soo... enjoy the silence for once and either wait for me to snap out of it, wait for me to verbal vomit what is wrong, or... just enjoy the silence.

2. If I don't have anything nice to say, then I won't say anything at all... unless you push me too far. I know I have a tendency to have a hot temper. I'm quick to jump to conclusions and most of the time, those conclusions are that you are an asshole. Of course, I know that I am nuts and usually like to process my thoughts before sharing them with the public. Think I'm pissed at you? I probably am. No amount of needling will make me open up... see number 1.

3. I'm OCD. I am aware. Things may look like a hot mess to you, but to me it makes perfect sense. Do not move my things. Do not offer to help me straighten up. Unless you know the exact spot of where something goes...why don't you use your free time to find us some wine. Chances are if I am cleaning... I need wine.

4. I name everything. EVERYTHING. I give people nicknames. It's my thing. For the most part... I don't like people giving me nicknames, for the most part. And if you aren't Big A or my mom (and sometimes my dad, although I can't remember if he actually says any of them) don't call me Sweetie or Hunny. I will think you are being condescending. You probably won't be, but please don't.

5. You will never make my coffee right. Unless you are ordering it straight from a Dunks or a Starbucks, I will do it myself. It isn't an insult. I appreciate that you are supplying me with caffeine... you just can't do it right.

6. Please don't touch me. I like hugs, high fives, daps, etc. However, there is a time limit to touching. Unless you are Big A, you have about 3-5 seconds and then we must part. The only exception to this is if I am completely losing my shit. Then, hug away. I will walk away when I have had enough.

7. My friends are my friends. They are my friends for a reason. I love them to death even if they drive me batty sometimes. I may complain, vent, let off some steam. Just to feel better. It doesn't change the way I feel about them and it doesn't mean I am talking shit. However... you may not say anything about them. They are MY friends and I will break you. Same goes for Big A and my family.

8. 99.999999999% of the time you will NOT get me to do something that I do not want to. If you have asked more than once and the answer is still no. Move along. The more you ask, the more upset I will get. And then you will be faced with number 1. Also, if it is something I want to do, and you tell me to do it, it will lose all appeal. I will not want to do it purely because I am an a-hole like that.

9. I am well aware of how much of a pain in the ass that I am. See 1-8 above of all of my freakshow neuroses. I get it. But, I ams what I ams and that's all that I ams. However... I would die for my family and friends and consider myself someone you would want on your side. I figure that eventually it will all even out. I will drive you nuts... I will have your back. Win win?

10. This is the most important. I am NOT a morning person. As a result, the first half an hour after I wake up is shaky territory. Do something wrong, and I will flip out and it will ruin my/your whole day. Also, unless it is something of great importance, do not call/write/text/e-mail/send smoke signals early in the morning. Unless I am up for work, I can guarenee that I won't be awake early. If you know for a fact I have to be somewhere early, know I only wake up about 30 min before I need to leave my house. I love sleep THAT much that I will skip the morning beauty routine. If you wake me up, and the reason is not good enough, then forget it. We are done for the time being. Adios.

And that's all. All of the wonderful qualities that make me the special person that I am.

Anyone else have some weird habits/personality traits/obsessions? I can't be the only jackass in the world? No? I am? Shiiiittt......


  1. Bahaha!! Your #1 describes me to a T. I am the same way. If I am not talking, you know it is because I am pissed, haha!

  2. We would get along fine my dear... especially considering number 10!!!


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