Thursday, March 29, 2012

Lessons of Attending a Training

Hello my lovelies!
I have officially survived my 6,000 hour training.

I am not an expert on Natural Gas.

Or rather... I now don't have to nod my head and pretend I know what the hell someone is talking about at work all the time...just some of the time.

I figured that I would use my bagillion hours that I spent in that ridiculous room to chat about some do's and dont's of attending training.

Let's put it this way. You are stuck in the same room for 9 hours with the same people. In the same seats. Far too close for comfort. Chances are, you are in this training because you HAVE to be and not because you really just have a growing interest in all things natural gas and have been contemplating how it gets from the ground to the end user for most of your life. Which I'm pretty sure that no one does.

So here are some ground rules. Pay attention. It could save your life some day.

1. Cracking your knuckles is a horrible habit. I used to do it myself, but nightmares of ET fingers made me stop. That being said, the sound is obnoxious. I could maybe give a pass if you do it once. Maybe even twice. But 8 billion times? That's bad news bears. Seriously. And the fact that you have about 6 other knuckle cracking buddies sitting around you. Unbearable.

2. Dear woman who constantly sighs, if you didn't hold your breathe every single time that you decided to write something down, you wouldn't have to exhale loudly every time you were done. And you write a lot, so figure it out and stop breathing your dragon breathe into my territory.

3. I think that taking care of your appearance and personal hygiene. And I truly appreciate it when you do, especially when I have to sit near you. However, taking a giant bath in your cheap cologne is too far. Please apply the appropriate amount next time and stop at that.

4. We all know things come up. Crazy situations. Family emergencies. Illness. Shit happens. They are all reasonable excuses for cancelling on a training. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY wants to listen to you blow your nose for 9 hours. We also don't want to watch your used pile of tissues pile up on your desk. And your hacking cough? Borderline Bird Flu. Stay home next time Sweetheart.

5. This one is for the instructors. I have just spent the past 8 hours of my life listening to you drone on. I don't want to be here. You don't want to be here. Whatever. I will never get those hours back of my life, but I know that I had to be there. HOWEVER, what I do NOT need is to spend the last hour of the day listening to your political beliefs and talking about the government is running this country into the ground. That is not in the course description. It is also YOUR opinion. Not fact. Next time, give your victims the chance to skip your soapbox speech. K? Thanks.

Aaaannnnd. That's it. The end of my complaints about the training.

I am now home. I am glad to be back. I desperately want to take a nap, but we all know that's not going to happen.

Soooo.... I will spend my time catching up with Dogbert and waiting for my handsome man to get home.

Word up.

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