Thursday, April 26, 2012

Kicks to the Cajones

Sometimes I feel like I can't catch a break.

Seriously, a series of events will happen and by the end of the day I feel so beaten down and defeated. Then something else will happen and I can't help but laugh because honestly there has to be someone behind all this, watching me squirm.

Giggling with a tub of popcorn in their hand.

There's some seriously shiesty stuff going on at work. On one level, I am angry. I feel let down and played. I feel like I was lied to. I feel like someone was just blowing smoke up my patootie just to placate me into silence. Ug.

On the other hand, I feel like I work in the corporate world and this is the kind of stuff that you have to deal with. There are games that are being played and you are either one of the players, or the one getting played. That nothing is guaranteed and you can only trust yourself. You need to make moves for YOURSELF. Because no one else will do it for you.

I hate that second feeling. I don't like playing games. I don't like dishonesty. I want to look and talk to someone and not have to interpret what they are saying or wonder if they are just giving me a speech. I HATE it.

I left work yesterday feeling deflated. Wondering what I was going to do with myself from this point on, because something has got to give.

I had a brief time of excitement, as I was meeting Big A to pick out my wedding ring. Which I did. And it was beautiful. And I may or may not have tried to calculate how fast I could run and if they would catch me before I got to my car. Then I wondered if that was bad wife behavior. Thinking about stealing from a jewelry store and leaving Big A behind to take the fall (because he did NOT pick up on my psychic messages).

I got home, started some laundry (with the ridiculously priced coin-operated machine in the basement of our building) did some cleaning and started getting the house in order.

Cue dog throwing up on the rug. Mind you. A) I feel bad that Mr. Fresh was throwing up. He obviously didn't feel good... BUT B) We have a 5X8 rug in our house. That is literally the only rug we have (well... there's an ugly one in the hallway by the door, but feel free to puke on that one) and he had to puke THERE. Right on the edge. Next to the floor. 2 inches away from easier cleaning. Ug.

I get that cleaned up. Finished what I was doing and then grabbed our sheets out of the dryer. Hmm... what is that minty smell you ask? That would be the gum that some asshat left in the dryer so it was now smeared all over my previously clean sheets. UG. We only have ONE pair of sheets, since Mr. Fresh likes to slice and dice them when I go on business trips.

So... I spent my time scrubbing it off with warm water and a toothbrush. FUN.

Not to mention during all of this time, I completely forget that dinner even exists and not only did I not MAKE anything, but there was nothing even remotely close to cookable since it was all a block of ice in the freezer.

Cue Big A taking me out to dinner.

Oy vey.

I had a moment like this last week. That I felt like I just couldn't catch a break to SAVE MY LIFE! I was texting with N as I normally do (because apparently we are obsessed with each other) and I was whining and complaining and then thought... wow... this could be so much worse.

I have my health. A job. A roof over my head. Friends. Family. They are safe, happy, and healthy.

It could be SO MUCH WORSE. Someone else out there can't catch and break and they possibly need to to save THEIR lives.

I read these blogs of these people struck with horrible tragedies. Wives, husbands, children... who are sick or have died. Out of nowhere. Leaving them without anything. People losing their homes and loved ones to natural disasters. Losing EVERYTHING and STILL appreciating what little they have.

And it is in those moments, that I like to be thankful for what I DO have. I try and tell myself that this too shall pass and that I will be OK. That I am LUCKY to have what I have. To appreciate every moment that I have with my friends and family.

And then I let myself whine a little bit more and agree that it does suck, but I'm OK. And then I give myself a little bitch slap to the face and get over it.

So that's what I am doing today. I am bitch slapping myself in the face, putting on my big-girl panties, and getting over it. Because life isn't fair. But it sure as hell could be a lot worse.

1 comment:

  1. yeah girl, this too shall pass. that's the only thing you can really tell yourself to get through it. Sucks. big time. but I hope things will get better. AND... w/ out knowing your actual situation, it's sounding like you were aboutsta get a promo at work. then they pulled the big JK on you. Just guessing because crap like that fills my life weekly :/ yay for corporateness.


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