Thursday, June 7, 2012

12 Step Program

I found this yesterday on Facebook.


Someone had it posted. With comments about how you need to know when it is best to let someone go because they are hurting you.

Everyone agreed of course.

Because on paper... this is simple. If someone is bad to you, toxic, negative, then they shouldn't be in your life. Cut the chords, move on, end of story.

But we all know it isn't that easy. Just like it is easy to give out ANY type of advice to someone else who is going through something that you have nothing to do with. However, let me know how easy it is for you to follow it when you are in their shoes.

Yeah... not so easy.

I talk a tough game. It's a defense mechanism for the most part. If I act like I don't give a shit. If I act like things don't bother me. If I act like I am too cool for school, then maybe, just maybe, people will think that they can't hurt me and they will stop trying.

I know. I know. Wishful thinking.

Truth be told. I'm not so good at the letting go part. Even if I walk away. Even if I stop contact. I'm still waiting for that person to come back in the 11th hour. To make good. To fix it all. To try. To say "let's chat", "let's work on this", or even "I don't know how to fix this, but damned if I won't try".

But other than that, I'm stuck. Like my feet are in cement. Because honestly, at one point, my security system steps in and won't let me take another step. Because I know at that point that I am just hurting myself, because there is no one on the other end who will give me what I need.

But I can never close the door completely. It's always open a crack.

This becomes a problem. When years later you are still holding onto things. Waiting for some kind of closure. Some kind of comfort in the ending of whatever relationship that it was. But we all know that gaining closure from someone else is a myth. Closure comes from within. No one else can help you with that.

I keep waiting for that moment. That moment that I think that I will just "know" that it is over. Know that it is done. Know that it is time to lock that door, deadbolt it, throw away the key, and send out a "change of address" form to throw them off track.

So far... it hasn't come. For some people, yeah, but over the years I have been able to decipher the difference between legitimate relationships and ones that I have fantasized in my head. Those real ones. They are tough to get over.

I'm wondering if there will ever come a day when I am ready. Ready to stop. Ready to get rid of that "white knight" notion. Ready to get rid of that fantasy that things will be fixed and everything will just be one big hunky dory party. That even if the dynamics of the relationship have changed, the importance and the closeness will still be there.

I'm beginning to think that those notions are just about as real as Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy.

And maybe that is a step in the right direction.

Maybe the first step IS admitting there is a problem.

Like 12 steps to moving on to healthy relationships.

I guess I just don't know where to step from here... but I'm hoping I will figure it out.

3 comments:

  1. This is deff. one of those things where time is what it'll take to get over the situation. You'll think about it less and less. Then some days more, but those days will become less frequent.

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  2. There just comes a time when you make up your mind and then that's the end. You can try to will yourself all you want but it's usual until you are actually ready. When Im in a situation like that I think, "What am I holding onto that I can't let go"? Hope everythings o.k love! xoxo

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Little Somethings...