Friday, September 14, 2012

Friday's Letters

Hello Ladies! Thank mother effing gawd that it's Friday. This was a long week.

They totally expected me to work ALL five days this week. Can you believe that? Do they know who I am?

The nerve.

Anyway, the fabulous Ashley over at Adventures of Newlyweds has inspired yet another Friday's Letter post. I'm so excited to be back on Friday's Letters since I was all "I'm Getting Married" last Friday, and I'll be gone next Friday.

Anyway... here are my lovely letters.

Dear Big A, thanks for not back-handing me when I was bitching at you because I wanted to go to sleep. I understand that you just got home and needed to eat dinner and shower (at 11 o'clock at night? WTF?!) and I was not being a nice person. I blame the bottle of wine I had devoured. Blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol!

Dear Self, when you start to feel a little tipsy after ONE glass of wine, do not take this as a sign that you should chug that mother effer until you start squeezing the glass bottle making sure you get every last drop. On a THURSDAY no less. Rookie mistake. Lock it up.

Dear Mr. Fresh, thanks for being so damn photogenic. Seriously, you take the BEST pictures ever.

Dear Wedding, you were amazing. Seriously. Best day EVER. And I hate to admit it, but.... I do miss you... but ONLY a LITTLE bit. Thanks for being the bees knees. You're swell. I'll always think of you fondly.

Dear Morbidly Obese Person Living Inside Me, ummm... I recognize that you were rather patient with me over the past 9-10 months so that we could lose weight. BUT, I'm not exactly planning on putting all of that back on now that the wedding is over. AND I have 10 more pounds to go. SO, eating Mac & Cheese, tacos, lobster ravioli, drinking wine & champagne, eating crab cakes, cheesy fries, and nachos... in ONE week, is NOT acceptable. Keep it up and we are going back on those miserable Slim Fast shakes.

Dear Photographer, I know that you gave us a reasonable time to except our pictures, but could you PLEASE please PLEASE post some sneak peeks? Or just give us all the pictures? ASAP! I know, I know, I'm pushy. I'm just SO excited to see all of them.

Dear Dream Job, please fall into my lap. Now that the wedding is over I need something I love with a whole bunch more money. Pipe dreams... I know.

Dear Dream House, Big A and I would greatly appreciate it if you made yourself known. We aren't asking for anything big. Three bedrooms. 1.5 baths. Nice yard. Garage (preferably detached). And not resembling a meth lab. That's all we ask for.

Dear Self (again), you don't need to immediately spell check something if you think you spelled it wrong. You can totally wait until you are done writing and check everything at once. You're still going to be a dumb ass and the word will still be misspelled (or not) at the end.

Dear Boss Man, I fucking love you. Seriously. I have been sitting here for the past hour, wondering what the hell I was going to eat for breakfast that wouldn't make me yack up my bottle of wine from last night. And you give me waffles smothered in syrup. Perfection. I'm pretty sure you are my most favorite person on the planet right now!

Dear Martha's Vineyard, please be super awesome and have nice weather. Pretty please with a cherry on top. Also, we ask for (and please pay attention to this part) ONE (please note that is the number one; 1) lazy, rainy day. That is all. Can't wait to see you! I miss your face sooooooo much!

Dear Free Time, I want to make sweet love to you AND call you in the morning. I have missed you so much over the past 16 months. Welcome back. Let's promise to never be apart again!

Dear Waffles, you were fucking delicious.

That's all for this week folks. I'll be gone next week, chillin' on Martha's Vineyard with my husband and most favorite Border Collie EVER!!! For the Internet stalkers, I have people watching the house, so, don't try it. Bitch!

I've got a fab group of some of my most favorite ladies guest posting for me next week so you don't have to cry yourself to sleep missing me. I know it will be hard, but let's get through it together.

Happy Friday Lovers!


  1. The fat person inside of me couldn't stay contained while I was on this work trip. I'm back to the salad for two meals a day diet for the next 7 days!

  2. i missed my wedding so much after it was over too!

    Following you now! Happy Friday!! Stop by and say hello! :)

  3. You never fail to have my ass laughing hysterically at my desk on a Friday morning, haha! I'm pretty sure my boss is wondering what the ish is so funny! I hope your day goes by super fast so that you guys can enjoy your time away for your Honeymoon!

  4. Such a great post and what a cute blog!

    New follower! :)

    Have a very happy weekend!



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