Thursday, September 27, 2012

I Can not Shank... So I write...

When we were planning the wedding, Big A and I decided to put the whole house thing on hold.

We knew that if we did too much at once then we would probably both end up driving ourselves off a cliff and then all the time & money we spent on the wedding would be for nothing.

So, we kept an eye on the market, but knew we couldn't do anything.

After the wedding, we decided that we were going to throw ourselves into house hunting.

We have grossly overgrown our apartment and the fact that I have an entire loft filled with brand new fun things from the shower that I can't touch... kills me. So I have been obsessively looking.

Every day. All day.

Except... there's NOTHING out there.


I know it's been like 5 minutes, but I was hoping that we would somehow find our dream house ASAP and it would be a whirlwind romance ending with us in our home by the holidays.

Because I swear to GOD that if I have to rearrange my house one more time just to fit a god damn Christmas tree into it then someone is going to have hell to pay. I just want a mother effing Christmas tree. One that doesn't have to sit on our table just so that we have room for it.

And the $300 electric bill because the building is a piece of shit and we have a "wicked cool" loft that just sucks the heat out of the place? Not a fan.

I feel like I am held prisoner and no one notices that I deserve time off for good behavior, so one day I'm going to shank somebody in the exercise yard and then I will be stuck there forever.

Yes. That's how I feel. I want to SHANK somebody.

See? I need out.

I get that we are uber picky and there is basically one town that we agree on to live, which is the one we live in now. BUT, I don't think we would be happy anywhere else. We love our town. It's not too big, not too small. They are doing a whole shit load of work to better the schools and the school systems. If we can just hold on, I think we will be happy here forever. I will actually WANT to raise my kids there.

But at the same time... I am so mother effing impatient that I just can't even stand it.

When we were planning the wedding, I could totally deal with it because there was an end in sight. I knew that after September 8th that we could start doing something about it.

And I was cool with that.

But now... everything is in limbo. We are stuck in our apartment for an indefinite amount of time and that freaking kills me. I do deadlines. I don't do indefinite.

The thought of indefinite makes me want to crawl into my closet with a bottomless bottle of wine and stay there until it is safe to come out.

But, I suppose, they say that good things come to those who wait.

And that everything happens for a reason.

And if it is meant to be it will happen.

And every other bullshit "inspirational saying" that is supposed to make you feel better that your life is currently a steaming pile of dog shit at the moment.


OK. Rant done.

I'm just frustrated and anxious to get this show on the road. I'm sure we will find an absolutely wonderful house and will live happily ever after.

Either that or I will start casing the town and sending creepy notes with cut out magazine letters to all the houses I love telling them to put it on the market or else.

I'm pretty sure that sending someone threatening messages will result in less jail time than shanking someone, so at least I'm improving on my plan, right?!

Anywho... I'm going to pretend that I spiked my coffee and make believe that I am a hard worker and a valued member of my company.

Adios bitches!


  1. ok so I have a plan. and it's not really the best plan, but like all things in my life I have total hindsight 20-20 vision on this and wish I had done it myself. So.... have you ever thought about renting a house? I mean it's not the 'forever' thing, but it's a house to get you out of the apartment. and maybe the electricity could be cheaper? and you could be in by the holidays?

  2. I totally agree with this. We had a roommate up until June of this year and we have been engaged since last October! I was ready to effing KILL someone because he wouldn't move out until he finally did and I just wanted to live alone as an engaged, cohabitating couple. It's definitely shank inducing.

    As for houses, I would just keep your eye out. We were looking for a while before we found something we really liked. It just took time and the right circumstances, but I know your frustration all too well. Hang in there and the perfect home will come!

  3. Dude... I want to shank somebody, too but for different reasons LOL But we are in the process of looking for our "forever" home so I totally get what bs you are going through... I am pretending (or maybe I am not heh heh) to spike my coffee now, too... PS Hope you find something soon!!!!

  4. I remember being at this point a few months ago. Have you guys found a Realtor yet? I know some people don't like getting them, but honestly, ours was a God send. She found listings on her search that we never found on our own. And it really nice having someone else do all the talking for you so that you don't freak out on people. And I am pretty sure that you remember how long it took us to find a place. I thought we were never going to find a place. And then one day, it happened. We probably looked at 19 places before we found our place. Keep your chin up. I know it's difficult, but it will work out how it is supposed to and you will be excited to be in your own place and glad that you waited to find it.


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