Thursday, September 13, 2012

Identity Crisis...Kinda...

Today is a day with mixed emotions.

Really... I'm not quite sure how to feel about it.

You see... in a little bit, I am off to the Social Security Office to change my name.

I thought I would have a little more time before I changed it, but I found out that it takes two weeks to get your new card and you need that before you go to the RMV to get your license changed.

Not one to drag things out, I figured I might as well get the ball rolling.

It's quite the process, really. Social Security Office, RMV, the bank, work, credit cards, loans, etc. etc.

Quite the process.

I told Big A that I was totally coming back in my next life as a man, because women totally get the raw end of the deal in this whole wedding/marriage thing.

I mean, yes, we get a nice rock on the finger, but I'm not quite sure it equals planning an entire wedding, 18 million wedding related events, getting your hair done, make-up done, keeping your skin nice, losing weight, wearing a 300 lb dress, jumping through hoops to change your name, and paying out the ass to do so.

Honestly, don't people know that I have spent enough money on this whole ordeal.

They should give everything to me for free.

Especially the passport people. That shit is expensive.

Highway robbery if you ask me.

I was having a conversation with a friend the other day about how weird it is going to be to change my name. For about a million reasons.

1. It's the only name I have ever known.

2. I ALWAYS get complimented on my name and how Irish it is. And how well it goes together.

3. People have spent a lifetime butchering how to spell and pronounce my first name, but my last name has always been a breeze. No one can pronounce my new name, or spell it right on the first try.

4. I feel like it splits me up from my family. They all have one last name and now I have another.

5. I hate messing things up and I know that I am going to mess up my name for the next 6 months... and how stupid will I look if I write my name wrong?

I know I totally have the option of keeping my last name. I know that. I'm not doing this because anyone is forcing me to. I'm not doing it because I'm stuck in some old world theory that women are owned by their men.

I'm doing this because even though all of those reasons are hard, I want the same last name as my husband. I want the same last name as my kids.

My family will still be my family.

People will still think my name is awesome, and if they don't, I'll make them.

I've never had a problem correcting people before and I ain't gonna start now.

And if I mess my name up, I'll simply state that I just got married and then flash my bling, whilst talking about how my husband is the bees knees. (And sneak another copy of whatever it is so I can re-write my name neatly).

It's a change. It's a transition. It's something that I have never had to experience before and hopefully will never have to experience again.

However, the pros definitely outweigh the cons. I mean, if I didn't have this "problem", it would mean that I wouldn't get to call Big A my husband. I wouldn't have the memories of the most amazing day of my life. And I wouldn't have my number one homie for life.

So, I guess through all of my bitching and moaning, I have it pretty good.

Pretty damn good.

Anyone else have a minor identity crisis about changing their name? I can't be the only one.

Adios bitches! Smooch!


  1. you could drop your middle name and keep Q as your middle name to keep it around?

  2. I didn't experience this...but I studied Identity and Gender in grad school and it is very common. Some women experience bouts of depression after changing their name....or a mid-life crisis sort of lost identity where they search to define this "new" person. It isn't crazy.

  3. I went through these feelings too and still do sometimes. My last name is very unique and literally anyone who has it is related to me, so it's nice to have a name that sets you apart. I also have perfected my signature and my new name totally screws up that flow! I definitely see what you are saying...I'm not even going to attempt to change anything until after the honeymoon. And I refuse to hyphen. I always feel so terrible when you see kids and their names are like John James Shelton-Fisk or something equally long and crazy.

  4. I was so happy to get rid of my last name. I felt like it held me back and that changing into this new person (cause changing your last name totally means you've changed persons as well...duh) was going to be the best thing ever. Besides, my maiden name is Cowden. Pronouced Cow + Den. How fricken' ridiculous is that? It sounds like some hillybilly dumbass just decided to make up a last name one day and pulled Cowden out of his ass.

    Seriously. So glad for the change.

  5. I was excited to change my last name, I never really liked my maiden name and I prefer my new last name. But changing it is for sure a pain in the ass. I told my husband that even if he divorces me I'm going to keep his name b/c I refuse to go through that process again!

  6. I hated changing my name. Although I was excited to be married, my name just identified me - it was weird.

    It actually got worse too - when my brother married (a girl I didn't care for), knowing she had my family's last name and I didn't - it KILLED me. Both my sister and I were really tore up over it.

    Sorry if this is a downer - but I just meant to let you know that I can totally relate to your feelings.

  7. I have to go through the name change process as well...but for the opposite reason. I was messily divoriced 6 years ago and after getting on my feet the thought of changing it was so overwhelming I let it go. Here I am 6 years later, just had a baby and was worried i would have to give him the name of my ex husband (i didnt). It took many calls to various courts to find out what paperwork I needed and many different answers. Now all thats left is taking the paperwork in and doing it.

  8. Hope everything went well at the SS office and the name change goes smoothly! I can only imagine how weird it much feel to start calling yourself by a new last name!

  9. First, congrats on the wedding! I can't wait to see pictures.

    I went and legally changed my name earlier this week and you are right..what a process! They should invent a process where once you change it at the Social Security office, everything else automatically changes :)

    Hope you are having an amazing time on your honeymoon!!


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