Friday, September 7, 2012

Tomorrow I Marry my Best Friend

I thought this post would be easier to write. I thought I was going to be filled with so much love and happiness that the words were just going to spill out of me.
 
However, after tossing and turning all.night.long. and dragging myself out of bed at 8:00 AM, I'm a little sleepy.
 
I've spent weeks falling asleep randomly, sometimes while talking, and sleeping heavily throughout the entire night. Completely unable to wake up on time or be a functional part of society in the morning.
 
Not last night. Oh no. Up. all. night. While I still feel cool as a cucumber, I'm assuming that this is my brain's way of telling me that the nerves are coming.
 
I can't even believe that the wedding is tomorrow. I feel like the past 16 months have FLOWN by and it was only yesterday that we were celebrating with all of our friends.
 
Conversely, the past month has dragged and I honestly thought that this day would never come. Big A and I were talking last night about how those had to be THE longest 30 days that we have ever experienced.
 
I don't think the reality of it all had quite hit me yet. I'm not sure when it will all seem real. Today when I am getting my nails done? Tonight at the Rehearsal dinner? Tomorrow?
 
At some point it is all going to hit me and I am going to me a hot mess. It won't be pretty.
 
I think I'm going to be a little nervous about the amount of people that are there, staring at us. I think I will be nervous that I am going to trip when walking down the aisle, or something will happen with the food.
 
I had a dream last night that everyone sat on Big A's side and I was walking down the aisle to see just a few scattered family members on mine. You see, that's the stupid shit that I worry about.
 
Big A though... haven't worried about him for a second. This is THE most sure that I have been of anything in my entire life. I couldn't think of a better match for me and I am so thankful every single day that I found him.
 
Even when things aren't the greatest with us, it still beats the hell out of facing this world with out him. It is so calming and reassuring to walk through life knowing that he had my back. Sometimes I almost feel invincible because I know that he will be there. I just feel so safe.
 
I asked Big A the other night if he thought that he would feel different, after we get married. And he said that he didn't think so. I kind of feel the same way. The fact that we love each other and want to spend the rest of our lives by each other's side doesn't change because we said, "I do".
 
We won't be together because we are married. We will be together for the same reason that we always have; because we love each other so much that we just can't even begin to fathom a world where we don't wake up each morning to the other person. That doesn't change just because we have a piece of paper. Ya know.
 
My big change was when we got engaged. We had been together for four years, and it was no secret that I was anxious to get this show on the road and take that next step. We had talked about it so much and nothing ever happened that I was beginning to wonder if it was what he really wanted.
 
When we got engaged I remember thinking that it was pretty much the same thing to him as getting married. Big A never would have put a ring on my finger if he didn't want to and wasn't ready. He never would have proposed if he ever expected it to fall apart or he wasn't 100% sure that this was what we should be doing.
 
So when we got engaged, I knew this was it. I knew that he wasn't going anywhere. And while sane Kayleigh knew that all along, sometimes crazy Kayleigh needed to be reminded of how amazing her guy was. Just like that, all my nervousness, worries, etc. had vanished and I had never felt so safe and comfortable in my entire life.
 
So tomorrow we stand up in front of all of our family and friends and vow to be with each other to the very end. Through good times and bad. 'Til death do us part.
 
I can't even imagine how those words are going to feel when we say them for real. I'm pretty sure that I am going to be a crazy hot mess and blubber my way through the ceremony.
 
Need to find me? Look for the hysterical girl in the white dress. You'll hear me from a mile away. Haha.
 
I just can't believe this day is almost here. Less than 24 hours from now, I will wake up on my wedding day. I get to marry my best friend in the entire world. How lucky am I? Sometimes I can't even believe that he picked ME!
 
Well lovers, I leave you now to go spend a few more minutes of QT with my man before the craziness of today sets in. I shall leave you now as a Miss. and when I return I will be a Mrs.
 
Have a wonderful weekend! I know I will.
 
Smooches!

9 comments:

  1. I hope you have an amzing wedding... and enjoy every moment. I've been following along for months and it seems like time has flown by.

    I can't wait to see the pictures! :)

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  2. YAY! I can't wait to see these wedding photos! I am so happy for you and excited. Just remember to take a few minutes to yourselves away from the crowd so you can just take in the day :) You will be so beautiful and you are so right - you don't be together simply because you got married - you do it because you love each other. Wishing you tons of happiness and good weather for tomorrow!

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  3. It won't feel real.. it will be Surreal.. I was told that, and it was so true! So take a moment to really try and be present at some point tomorrow so you can feel the realness. And too funny about the side of the aisle! I was dreaming about it for some reason.. and when the groomsman asked which side of the aisle I was to sit on the bride or the groom, I didn't know how to answer because.. honestly Kayleigh.. you've been such a part of our family for so long!!

    <3 Suz

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  4. Congratulations to you! Getting married was one of the very best things that ever happened to me! I'm sure it will be the same for you! It's nice to see someone so sure and in love!

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  5. Oh my gosh!!! It's finally here!! I have been counting down the days with you because I am so excited for the two of you. I hope that tomorrow is everything that you wished and hoped it would be and that you guys have an amazing time. Congrats again to both of you and I can't wait to see and hear about everything!

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  6. Wow! It's here! I am so excited and happy for you love! I am so happy to have "met" you and gone through this journey with you! Now, it's your turn to be a beautiful bride and marry your perfect half! I wish you a day full of fun, love and laughter! Enjoy everything second!! XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

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  7. I hope you have a fantastic day. Try to enjoy every minute. It's going to be beautiful! I can't wait to see pictures.

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  8. OMGGG SO EXCITED FOR YOU!!!!!
    BEST WISHES ON YOUR BIG DAY!
    I'll be thinking about you!

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  9. You won't trip -- you will be awesome!! Can't wait to see you!!

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