Thursday, October 25, 2012

REALIZATION...Life IS Good

So here's the dealio lovers. I've been a downright crabby patty the past 26 years week or so. Things are crazy. Things are stressful. Big A and I are in the middle of a HUGE transition, and honestly the constant talking about grown-up adult things, game plans, thoughts, etc. is getting old...quick.

Seriously, a part of me wants to go back to 21 year old me, whose biggest problem was figuring out how many bottles of Arbor Mist I could buy that day. For reals.

So, I kept this little post in my arsenal, for a day when I felt like I wanted to just rip into how unfair, annoying, obnoxious, etc. etc. etc. I thought life was.

Because, I'll be the first to admit it... sometimes I need a good bitch slap across the face to remember that while I may be facing some trials/tribulations/bullshit, life IS good.

So here goes it bitches... enjoy...(and yes, I was drinking when I wrote this... probably why I was so happy.)

Written on Thursday, September 13th, 2012
I just want to remember this feeling. Which is why I am writing it all down. And I don't know when I will post it. But every so often I am stricken with an intense urge to document every moment of something glorious, so that I never forget that feeling.
That's why I got the stars tattooed behind my ears. That was Labor Day weekend in 2007. Big A and I had been dating for a few months and it was the first time in a very long time that I felt absolutely and completely happy and satisfied in my life.

This is what happiness and love looks like. :)

So, I got a tattoo to remember it by.

Ignore my weird red ear, it has nothing to do with this story...
Today I write.
I returned home from a slightly hectic day at work. I had left for a couple hours in the morning to go change my name and I was having a little trouble it. Not because I thought I would regret it, or because I didn't want to do it. It was just strange to change something that was all I had ever known.
I had that name for almost 27 years and I felt like it was going to change ME.
You can read all about it here.
When I returned to work after going to the Social Security Office, I found out that a woman who I had worked with had passed away. She was diagnosed with cancer less than a year ago, and that was how quickly it took her life.
Hearing about her past and all of the hardships that she had faced, it truly effected me. This woman was amazing and deserved none of the absolute bullshit (which is the only way that I can describe what happened to her) that she endured in her life.
I stopped at the liquor store and bought myself a trusty bottle of Moscato. And then decided to be a little daring and try a new Riesling that they just came out with. I never have luck trying new things, but I keep trying to do so.  
I had been joking with everyone, mostly Big A, about what was going to be different when we got married. Being together for 5 1/2 years, and living together for almost 3, there wasn't a whole lot that was going to change just because we were married. Our commitment to each other was in our hearts and souls and no piece of paper could define that. But, we were blessed to be able to stand up in front of our family and friends and promise to lover, honor, and cherish each other forever.

Today was the day that I decided that MARRIED Kayleigh stops and smells the roses.
When I got home, I let Mr. Fresh out as usual and began to pour myself a glass of wine. When I heard him barking to come in, I looked out the window and truly realized how gorgeous of a day it was. I took my wine glass outside with me and just sat on the picnic bench.
Mr. Fresh immediately sat down in the grass, obviously basking in the glorious day as well. He truly knows how to appreciate a good thing, no matter how big or small it was.
We then found a big stick and I threw it for him. Watching him run back and forth across the yard. So excited to be involved in one of his most favorite activities. What may seem trivial to some, is heaven to him.
As I watched him run around I realized something. In the almost three years we have lived here, I have never ONCE gone outside and sat in the yard by myself. I certainly hadn't played with Mr. Fresh. We do here and there, but our yard is small and I get nervous with him running around on his leash. We were spoiled with a large yard at my parents' house. Big A and I play with him a little here and there, but not much. I definitely hadn't done it alone.
And that's when I realized. How truly blessed my life was. I was alive. I was fresh off a wedding to the absolute man of my dreams. My best friend. My soul mate. Someone who would stop at NOTHING to make sure I was happy and safe. And I was able to share that with all of our friends and relatives. In such a magical, amazing day.
I am a lucky one. I was born strong. Strong enough to make it through every hardship that life threw at me. And holy shit were there many. But I had an amazing family and wonderful friends who had my back. I made it to where I am today because of them. Now I have a husband. A truly amazing husband.
I know that no matter what happens to me, I have an army behind me. I have a wall of love and support to hold me up when I am too weak to do so on my own. I have my whole life ahead of me.
Some people don't have that. This is often something that we take for granted. Assume that it is just life. I truly became aware of that with all of the comments and e-mails I have received from posts about Big A. I never knew how many people out there DON'T have what we have, and I feel for them. I can't imagine my life without everyone, and I hope and pray every day that EVERYONE is able to find that. For I feel that the world would be a much better place if everyone had the love and support that they deserved.
So, I want to remember this moment. For when I get stressed, or tired, or think that life isn't fair. When I get caught up in the "woe is me" and play the victim. Life.is.good.
Some people face hardships far worse than I have. They lose their husbands so young. Or never find their soul mate. Or lose a child. Or find out one day that cancer has claimed their bodies and their days left on this Earth are numbered.
It can always be worse. Someone will ALWAYS be in rougher shape than you. I try to remember that when life gets to crazy. Like when our guest list was growing rapidly and I wasn't sure how we were going to make it through. I changed my thinking. At the time, my biggest problem was that TOO MANY people wanted to share our special day with us? TOO MANY people wanted to be there for one of THE most important days of our lives?
If that's my biggest problem, then life is pretty fucking good.
So I'll remember this day. The day I realized how truly lovely life is.
It won't always be this way. So I'm going to relish every single second of it.
And I hope you do too.
Here are a few pictures from an amazing day.
Living proof of my forever love.  

Champagne toast with my husband.

Wine and Mr. Fresh. Two other loves in my life.

Living proof that true happiness does exist.


6 comments:

  1. Amen!! We are pretty stinkin' lucky! More often then not, it is so easy to get into a crap mood and hate life. Then one of those great days come along and you almost want to slap yourself for thinking that this life that you were living sucked. When in reality, it is an amazing life! Great post! xo

    ReplyDelete
  2. We are very lucky... But it's ok to drink the bitch water sometimes, too. :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. K this is just the sweetest thing! ...and especially when I am facing hardships like I have in the past couple of weeks I so need to remember this ;)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Love this post! You are spot on! I need to remember this as well sometimes! Love your rings by the way! And Mr. Fresh is adorable as always!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Love love love this post and your continued honestly about everything!!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  6. I love this post. I definitely have "those" posts just hanging out in drafts waiting for the balls to post them. I used to feel this way, much more when I was working at the hospital. People would just pass away all the time. I met a woman who I knew could probably be my mom's BFF. I was booking her appts and before I knew it, she was gone. I sat with her in infusion, met her (super hot) son and other family members, and it just sucked. It really does make you appreciate what you have and love those little moments when things stand still.

    ReplyDelete

Little Somethings...