First of all... I'd like to say Happy 100 Days until the Wedding Everyone!
Get ready! Haha!
OK, now that I have that out of my system... Let's talk babies.
Yeah. You heard me right.
I thought that after all of the talk of when we would get engaged, we would at least have some time before we got the baby questions. I mean, wouldn't that make sense?
We get the questions. Often. It has a lot to do with the fact that some of our friends already HAVE kids, some of them are HAVING kids, while others are PLANNING on having them soon.
We have reached that point in our lives. I get it.
But, sometimes I still feel 12 and have to wrap my head around the fact that I am getting married (in 100 days!!!) so the thought of me as a mother kind of freaks me out.
Actually... let me re-phrase that... the thought of me pregnant freaks me out. Hardcore.
Wanna have the stork drop a baby off at my doorstep? Let's do the damn thing NOW then.
And since my request for a surrogate and adoption have been shut down... I guess one day I am just going to have to suck it up and do it. BUT... today isn't that day.
This whole thing is sparked by a conversation that I had with N last week. We were drinking some adult beverages and decided that we HAD to watch some episodes of the show Dinosaurs.
Remember this show?
It was on TGIF in the 90's. I LOVED it! (Remember TGIF?)
Anyway...in the first episode Earl comes home from work one day to find that Francine has a surprise for him. They were having another baby.
And I thought to myself... hmm... now THAT would be the life. Obviously, Francine knew nothing of what was going on. She just laid an egg one day. No bigs. And then just went about her day making sure that it was warm and taken care of.
No morning sickness. No doctor's visits. No changes to her body. And I bet you she had a glass of wine that night while watching over her little one to be.
Now that is totally up my alley. I'd do that in a heart beat.
But unfortunately, that's not an option. Humans don't lay eggs. Ug.
I mean, I know everyone talks about the miracle of life and how amazing it is. And you forget all about the pain afterward because it is so amazing. The crazy feeling of meeting your baby for the first time and knowing that it was growing inside you.
I know. I know.
But the truth is... I am PETRIFIED! Seriously. Scared shitless. It is scary enough being a Mother. Watching your heart walk around outside your body knowing that you can only protect it so much. But, the thought of ME keeping the baby safe, INSIDE me, is just WAY too scary. I feel like I will have to sit in a plastic bubble in the corner of a padded room for 9 months (which is bullshit by the way because it is 10 months, so I don't know why they lie to you).
Not to mention the fact of what if I CAN'T have kids. What if there is something wrong with me. What if something is wrong with the baby. What if something happens to the baby. I have known people who have gone through miscarriages. Seriously, I don't know how they do it. They have so much STRENGTH and I just don't think I have it in me.
I'll repeat. SCARY!
And trust me, I know that I need to get over my issues. I do. And I know that I am not READY for a kid until I do that. I also know that I am still going to be scared when it happens because I will want to do everything that I can to keep my child safe.
But sometimes people don't get that. They hear that you are jumping for joy to pop out kids and all of a sudden there is something wrong with you. I know. I've done it too when people don't fit into my suspected timelines.
I told Big A that I'm not even entertaining the idea until after we are married and settled into a house. There isn't any point in doing anything living in a crappy one bedroom apartment with about 2 sq feet of free space. After that, when WE are READY we can sit down and have the talk. Until then... I'm focused on the wedding, our marriage, and our life together. There is plenty of time for babies.
I'm only 26! And even though Big A is pushing 30 and his biological clock is ticking just a BIT faster than mine, we still have plenty of time. It will happen when it happens IF it is supposed to happen.
End of story.
So, for now, the whole baby topic is on the back burner and that it TOTALLY cool with me.
And to leave off on a fun note (after I just freaked the eff out for a minute there) I found this while searching for Dinosaur pictures!
(Sidenote: The whole Dinosaur interest was sparked by the fact that we have woman working for us temporarily who reminds me of the Grandmother from this show. Seriously, I can't even look at her without laughing)