Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Dating Disasters Link-up

I found out about this link-up from Jess over at Tooth N Nails (Check her out! Seriously LOVE her. She is effing HYSTERICAL, plus she's a fellow Masshole so she has a special place in my heart - am I coming on too strong? Haha). And after finding out that we pretty much had the same dating experience, she encouraged me to link up. This is too good NOT to share.
So I'm linking up with Brin at Bold Butter Baby and Allie at Tales of a Twenty Something for Dating Disasters.
About a thousand years ago before I met the gem that is now my husband, I didn't always have the best taste in men. Which is pretty much an understatement, but you don't need to know anymore.
Back in the days of MySpace (remember that?) I received a message from a local guy randomly. Pretty much just saying, hey, thought you were cute, we have a mutual friend, thought I would say hi. No biggie. And since I was binge drinking a lot in those days, I chatted back with him for a little while. He suggested we hang out , but I wasn't so sure.
At the time I worked at a Day Care center with said mutual friend. I asked her what the deal was with the guy and she assured me that he was legit. Go for it, he's super sweet, is what I think she said.
So, I agreed. We decided to meet at a TGI Fridays and left it at that.
The night came and I made sure I was looking nice, this could be my future husband after all. I walked in, found him sitting at the bar, and sat down next to him.
I was a little early, so I was surprised to see him there, I asked him how long he had been there. Two Hours.
Two Hours?
He said that he had to have his brother drop him off because he didn't have a car right now.
OK, no problem, shit happens. I had just totaled my car, so I got it.
Or a license.
Umm... ok. Well... why have a license if you don't have a car? Or vice versa? I dunno, I was reaching here. I didn't ask any questions. He just kept talking. I don't make it a habit of asking questions that I don't want answers too.
Because of a DUI.
OK. We all make mistakes.
Well...actually it was his third. (Or fourth. I can't honestly remember. It was more than one and I am about 95% sure that it was more than two. It was enough to make me wonder how someone makes that mistake THAT MANY times)
Umm... OK... well... no one is exactly beating down my door to date me, but I'm pretty sure that multiple DUI guy isn't my only option.
And that's when I notice it. I don't know how it took me so long (maybe because I had JUST met him and maybe thought it was just him...) but he was drunk. No... shattered. He had been sitting there the entire two hours, hammering back beers. In fact, I think I was there for maybe an hour and he had ordered 3 beers. Large draft beers. Umm...woah.
This is when he decides to go to the bathroom. And he stumbles all the way through the restaurant. (Mind you, it's like 7:00 on a Friday night...) and instead of turning right to the bathroom, he walks into the kitchen. Tries to turn himself around. And falls. In the kitchen. Of TGI Fridays.
I'm mortified at this point. All I can think of is how much I would be pissing my pants right now if I was watching this happen to someone else. And then it gets worse. The bartender comes over to me. Tells me to get my boyfriend out of there before he calls the cops. This isn't the first time he has warned him.
All I can manage to say is that he definitely isn't my boyfriend and I had never met him before in my life. He asks if I want him to call the cops, and I say no. I can handle it.
We were being kicked out of TGI Fridays. I've never been kicked out of anywhere in my life. Well...I got kicked out of a bar once for not being 21, but that's a totally legitimate excuse.
I then make the ever so important text to a friend. Tell her to wait 5 minutes and call me with an emergency. I need to get out of there.
Prince Charming comes back. My phone rings. And I act surprised. And all concerned. But the only thing thing I can think of is that my friend had a fight with her boyfriend and he kicked her out, so she is walking down Route 9 by herself. Umm...really?
It was all I could think of.
I thanked him for the nice time and told him I would talk to him later.
He told me he didn't have a license or a car and needed a ride home.
Only me.
So I drove him the 45 minutes home. Stopping 3 times to let him pee, and once because he thought he was going to throw up.
I all but kicked him out of my car and sped off home. Where I met up with the earlier mentioned friend and recapped the whole thing.
And that's when I got an message on AIM...from him...
"You didn't have to make up some lame excuse to get rid of me. You could have just told me that you weren't interested."
HE was mad at ME for ditching him.
I told him he didn't have to drink the bar out of Bud Light, face dive in their kitchen, and get us kicked out.
I never heard from him again.
But you better believe my co-worker got an earful Monday morning. I made sure to go in extra early just so that I had an adequate amount of time to explain in detail everything that happened. Including every dry heave on the way home.
Which is when she admitted that she didn't really know him. He was a friend of a friend. They had gone to high school together. He seemed nice enough.
It was a couple months later that I met Big A (thank GOD!) and I definitely appreciated him a whole lot more than I would have before this experience.
Especially since I went on one more blind date before then, which also ended in disaster. But that's a whole other story!


  1. Wow!!!!! I thought I had some bad dates but that one takes the cake. I once had a guy tell me he could only take me out for lunch if we went to Olive Garden and I got the unlimited soup and salad lunch because he didn't have any money.

    I have been on plenty of bad, blind dates but yours has to take the cake!

  2. It was very nice of you to drive him home. I think I would have left him there while he was in the bathroom/kitchen.

  3. OMG this is amazing. Kicked out of TGIFriday's you classy broad you. I can safely say I have never been on a real date. I always dated friends so I avoided all the awkwardness. I'm kinda sad about that.

  4. Wow! This guy sounds like a real winner! Glad you dumped him! And what a jack ass for having the nerve to send you an AIM like that. I think you were totally justified in ditching him. Good riddance I say!

  5. Wow. I wish your friend had admitted up-front that she didn't really know him. What if (sorry to be dramatic) he had ended up being a rapist or something?

    Hopefully his drinking problems is gone now, and whatever woman he is currently with isn't suffering.

  6. wowzers lol the nerve of him! I would of died if I was asked to leave a restaurant :(

  7. I would have let them call the cops! What an ass hat!


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