Thursday, June 13, 2013

Letter to My 21 Year old Self

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When I heard that Holly and Jake were writing letters to their 21 year old selves, I knew I had to get in on it. 21 was a HUGE year for me. I know it was only 6 years ago, but it was definitely a LIFETIME ago.
 
I spent the first part of being 21 drinking all the time and spiraling out of control, and the second half drinking all the time and falling in love. It was a wild year.
 
So, here it goes...
 
Dear 21 year old Kayleigh,
 
Oh man, you are going to start this year off with a bang.
 
First of all, you're not fucking fat. Seriously. I want to punch you in the face. You GET fat. But this ain't it. Not anywhere near it. This is legit the lightest adult weight you will EVER be. You will never attain this again. I know it is because you're poor and can only afford Ramen noddles and booze, but enjoy it. Also, don't worry about the boobs... they get a bit bigger so you no longer look 12. You're what they call a "late bloomer".
 
Have fun spending New Year's with your friends in Canada. I know the idea was crazy and last minute and you totally don't have the money for it (and you're moving right before it), but do it! And do it 100%. You will look back on this trip FOREVER and wish that you had done more like it.
 
However, this will be your first lesson in why you should stay away from bartenders... and men in bars for that matter. I know he's cute, but the bottom line is that he lives in Canada, so don't even bother. AND, he will kiss your friend the next night...and talk about his large amount of cocaine use. Just say thank you for your drink and leave it at that.
 
Also, while I know you are "indestructible", staying out until 5 AM in a foreign place with an equally as drunk friend is not your best look. You make it back to the hotel somehow, but it was a bit of a dicey situation. So, just go back to the hotel when everyone else does, you don't need to be walking down alleys and random roads in the freezing rain and risk becoming a statistic.
 
Next order of business, STAY AWAY FROM MEN YOU MEET IN BARS. You will learn nothing from them other than you should have stayed away from them in the first place. And that they are assholes. Also, when you start meeting random white boys with grills who knock on your car window asking for your phone number, it is time to find yourself a new hang-out spot.
 
I know that it is super exciting that you can drink legally now, but take it easy. "Ladies Night" Wednesdays is not a good enough excuse to get plastered and spend all of the next day hungover. Plus, Mom and Dad are eventually going to get sick of your shit and give you a pretty awkward conversation.
 
Actually... I take that back. Drink girl... drink! You have some pretty crazy stuff coming up. Enjoy every single moment of your free and single self. That's all going to change soon. You won't regret losing your single life for a second, but you will be glad you took advantage of it when you're old and married.
 
Next order of business...do not...I repeat...do NOT talk to that random boy on MySpace. First of all, you're a normal person, you don't need to meet people on MySpace. Second of all, he is going to be the creepiest motherfucker you have ever met. He's weird, he's a loser, and he turns nasty quick. I know he seems nice enough, but he's not. He's a fucking weirdo. I can NOT stress this enough. The only thing you get out of knowing him is the pure pleasure of seeing people's shocked faces when you tell them the ridiculous stories that transpired.
 
This next point is VERY important. VERY. That party you don't want to go to on May 12th. GO! I know you have to babysit. I know you're hungover. I know you just want to crawl under your covers and die, but suck it up and go. It will be the night that changes your life forever.  And when that boy with the Chevelle talks to you, talk to him. I know you think he's rude for eavesdropping on your conversation, but he's cute, so let it slide. Also, when he tells you that he's "never going to find a girl like you, so he might as well put a ring on your finger right then and there" it isn't a line. And you know it. He WILL put a ring on it. He's going to take his sweet ass time doing it, but he will.
 
He's going to be an ass at times. And he's going to lack ANY sense of proper relationship etiquette for awhile, BUT... you're already a gonner girl, so don't even fight it. You're going to fall fast and quick, but don't worry, he'll catch you.
 
Be crazy. Break all the rules for him. When he calls you at 9:30 PM and asks you if you want to hang out, GO! I know the "rules" say that he should plan ahead and what not, but he will NEVER plan ahead. It isn't him. He was thinking about you and wanted to see you. Plus, you will have some of THE best memories with him that Summer. You WILL marry this man. 6 years later you're going to find yourself married, owning a house, and ridiculously happy. Like, more happy than you ever thought was possible.
 
And that's it girl. Enjoy every single second of this year. It's going to be one of the best of your life. You're going to constantly be wishing you were 21 again, for pretty much the rest of your life. You're also going to wish that could drink like you were 21 and bounce back like you used to. By 27 you're going to get a headache from a glass of wine and stay sober at parties because you don't feel like throwing up the next day. It sucks. So drink up girl, DRINK!
 
Love,
 
Your older, fatter, more responsible, deliriously happy, YOU!
 
 
 
 

7 comments:

  1. OMG this is hilarious and I'm totally doing it now. 21 was the prime year for terrible decisions in terms of getting home in the wee hours of the morning.

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  2. Haha! I love this letter! And you are not fat! But I especially love the part about meeting Big A! You guys are so flipping adorable!

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  3. I love the reminder to stay away from guys you meet in bar. You little wild one!

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  4. Aww... I love the part about meeting your sweetie! Made me grin like a goof ball! And now you must tell me some of the stories from creepy myspace guy! You have me so curious!!

    P.S
    YOU MUST COME BACK TO CANADA! NOW! :)
    xo

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  5. This is amazing and I could not agree more about creepers on Myspace!

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  6. Too funny! If only we knew better about meeting boys in bars.

    So glad you met a good guy after the creepy ones! :)

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