Thursday, October 31, 2013

Thursday Thoughts

Linking up with Jennifer over at Ramblings of a Suburban Mom.
* So, first and foremost... this happened:
No big deal. The Red Sox just won the World Series is all. Sorry Katie!

* I'm trying not to go out of control with clothes for Baby Boy, but sometimes it is hard. Like when they have cool clothes on Clearance, or Zulily sends you an email about cute music themed onesies. This kid will be the best dressed baby ever!

* I remember when I thought I was fat. I looked like this:

I would LOVE for my stomach to feel that flat again. I'm feeling a bit large and in charge today. I'm not quite sure my organs fit into my body anymore. It isn't comfortable. (PS: First person who says "oh you just wait" or something to that effect is getting slapped through their screen. Smooch)
* I'm super hoping that Kristen finds out that she is having a boy AND a girl today and then she can do this Halloween costume next year! I think it is HYSTERICAL!

* I'm pretty sure that this picture could have been taken on the morning after my 21st birthday. Although, I must say that at least I was in my house. I can't guarantee that I wasn't face first into the floor though. I remember having to squeeze my friend's hand every few minutes to let him know that I was still conscious and knocking over a couch. And yes, there were bruises. So many bruises.

Source. This article is HILARIOUS. You have to read it!
* I sent this picture to N thinking that I was so funny. And then I wondered if she thought I was talking about her as "that one friend" or me. I never asked. I don't want to know.
* And in true Halloween fashion, I thought this was quite fitting.

I don't know about you guys, but I can't wait for it to be quittin' time on Friday. I am so over this week. And most weeks. I'm raising the white flag and buying myself a pregnancy pillow today, which I swore I would never do. I sleep like shit and that does not make for a happy camper.
Head on over to Jennifer's blog and link up!

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

So What! Wednesday

First of all, just wanted to say thank you to everyone for the congrats for our Baby Boy! We are so excited to be having a son. I think Big A and I were both a little nervous it would be a girl, but I think we would have been just fine either way. With that being said, we are SO excited to be having a boy!
Also, in super exciting cousin had her absolutely GORGEOUS Baby Girl yesterday. Our babies are going to be super BFFs and I can't wait for them to play together. Congrats Kare on the beautiful little one! I am so happy for you and B-man and I can't wait to see how awesome you guys are at being parents!
Alright...moving on...
Linking up with Shannon for So What! Wednesday!
This week I am saying So What! if...
* I considered not going to work today. Our precious little puppy has been roaming the bedroom at night and early in the morning. I've been up since 4:30 this morning and I finally kicked him out at 5:30. And then cried because I was so tired and just wanted to sleep, but I was wide awake and my head hurt, and I felt bad that I locked the dog out of the bedroom. I convinced myself that there would be colder, lazier days that I would prefer to stay at home. So here I am...exhausted.
* I'm already done registering. I figured the sooner I get it over with the better. And now I can research more things and add them as I need to. Or, I can consider myself done and just relax. (Heh, good one)
* I put my coffee WAY behind me on my desk because I was worried that in my tired state I might accidentally knock it over onto my computer. And I almost just karate chopped the damn thing. Apparently, nothing is safe from me today.
* I am on a hunt for non-latex chalkboard paint for the nursery furniture because I would rather look forever and pay more money than let someone else do it. Nothing like being stubborn.
* I would just like March to be here. I mean, I know that we have a lot to do, but I just want to meet our little guy!
* I haven't bought any candy for Halloween and I don't even plan on being home for it. I'm not sure how many kids we get, but since we are new in the neighborhood, I don't want to be "that house" so I plan on putting some out, but I can't stand the thought of being home and listening to the dog bark every time someone comes to the door.
* I just whined loudly when I looked at the clock and realized that it was only 9:30. I mean, seriously? It should be like, 12:00 PM.
* I would literally go ANYTHING to not be stuffed up anymore. Every day for the past month or two, I've been stuffy and sneezy. It's terrible. I'm so over it. I don't have any other symptoms so I'm sure it is just a pregnancy thing, but I want to breathe again!
* I'm super excited that there are only 29 days until Thanksgiving. 51 days until my birthday. 56 days until Christmas. AND 63 days until the New Year. Let's get this show on the road!
* Sometimes I wish that I had magical powers and I could just snap my fingers and the upstairs of the house would be done. (Without paying for it of course) And then maybe I would add in a master bedroom...with a master bath that had a Jacuzzi tub. I always wished that I could be like Sabrina the Teenage Witch and use my magic all the time.
That's all for today. Head on over to Shannon's blog and link-up!

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Bumpdate: 19 Weeks

October 22nd – 28th, 2013
So what has been going on this week?
Not much… just finding out the GENDER of our baby! And registering.
How far along?
19 Weeks.
Maternity Clothes?
Yep. I am SO comfortable. I don’t feel very attractive, but what are you going to do.
Stretch Marks?
I haven’t seen any, but I’m keeping an eye out. I’m not using my oil as much as I should, but I’m sure I will use it religiously if I see a stretch mark.
Yes. It became more of a thumping in the past week rather than a flutter or a tickle. Baby P is getting bigger so that makes more sense. I just can’t wait for Big A to be able to feel!
Food cravings?
Nothing continuous. I will need something immediately and then be all done with it after. I’ve been finding myself eating some things that I would never eat before, like mustard, and baked beans? So weird. This kid definitely has Big A’s taste buds.
Nausea, vomiting, or sickness?
What I miss:
Alcohol. A waist line. Ya know. Same ‘ole same ‘ole. I should just leave this every week and add to it. Haha.
Same. Heartburn. Bloody Noses. Out of breath easy. Tired. Ya know, a barrel of laughs.
Best moment this week?
Finding out if we were having a son or a daughter… it was pretty surreal to find out.
HA! Moving on…
That's right! Baby P is a BOOOOOOOOOY!
Eh, we are having some issues with a roaming Border Collie, so sleep could be better. But hopefully he will calm down soon and we can all get some sleep! We caved and turned on the heat last night so it was a nice night!

What I'm looking forward to?
I just want to meet our little man. Our little man. I KNEW it! I just knew it HAD to be a boy. I just can’t wait for him to be here and to hang out with him. I want to know what he looks like. What he sounds like. Who he acts like. I just want to know it all. Hoping the next 5 months FLY by.  
Linking up with Kristin over at Busy Bee!


Monday, October 28, 2013

Weekend Recap: Baby Things and Free Shit

This was a weekend of all things baby. Can't say I hate it, but I'm exhausted and could use a mental health day to recover, but then again I would have missed the gourmet cupcakes.
The sacrifices I make for my job.
Anyway... my weekend started off like any other weekend. A total cluster fuck. One quick project before I left work on Friday turned into this:
Yeah... that would be the bottom of the three hole puncher in the middle there, along with about six BILLION tiny circles from the past decade of paper punching...which was probably the last time someone cleaned this. (Which was probably me the last time I spilled it everywhere because this is not the first time)
Friday was low key. No complaints. I made Big A buy me a tuna fish sub for dinner, but since all I really want is a delicious cold Italian sub, everything else takes like dog food. I think I should avoid subs for the remainder of my pregnancy.
Saturday was fun, productive, and exhausting. Mumsie, N, and I went and registered for Baby P. Now that we know the gender it was time to get down to business!
It was a truly exhausting day, but we had a great time and got everything done. I registered at Target and Babies R Us. We finished at Target right as the power went out, so that was convenient. Thankfully they were able to save everything we scanned and we didn't have to start over.
When I got home I consolidated all of my free stuff that they gave me and realized that they give you a whole lot of free shit when you are having a baby. So much more than when you get married. The samples are so much more useful.

The loot. Aventi bottle, Butt paste, Teetehr, Shutterfly giftcards, A&D ointment, Wipes & Case, Diaper, Magazine, Breast milk storage bags, Nursing shields, Pacifier, and a whole bunch of Coupons.
Continuing with our baby theme, N bought me a subscription to Parents Magazine. She says it was a deal too good to pass up, but I'm thinking maybe she is worried about my skills. Haha. Either way it was a nice little read. It's funny to switch from reading Cosmo to Parents. The articles are a bit different.

Saturday night we went to a Halloween party and I was totally lame sauce and didn't even dress up. Honestly, there's like two costumes that a woman can wear that isn't somewhat slutty and I already feel large and in charge, so I just wanted to wear something I was comfortable with.
Big A enjoyed another evening with his designated driver and I was able to drag him home at a reasonable hour. We capped off the night with a little hot chocolate (that I have only now realized about 12,000 different types of booze that would be delicious to put in Winter... next Winter...) and I read my magazine.
Sunday was lazy. We slept in and I made us some delicious Eggo Waffles. I'm pretty decent with a toaster (when I remember to plug it in. Why the hell does the timer make noise like it is working if the damn toaster isn't plugged in!).
We headed out a little early for the football game to pick up my raffle prize. Babies 'r Us was having some sort of event while we were there and I entered one of the raffles on a whim. I was super surprised when the woman called me to tell me I won.

Playtex Newborn Bottle Set, Playtex Bottle Cooler, Playtex Bottle Drying Rack, Playtex Bottle Brush
I'm pretty excited about all the free stuff we have. I mean, I know we need about 3,000 other things, but at least we have a start.
We spent the afternoon watching the Patriots dominate once again (after a bit of an embarrassing start) and then headed home. I went on a bit of a cleaning spree when we got home. I've been trying to keep the house a little less cluttered and dog hair free, so I quickly cleaned up the kitchen and swept the entire house. It makes such a difference.
Sunday night was a lovely family dinner. We had a good time chatting and catching up.
After that, I headed home where I whined my way through the rest of the night until Big A finally put me to bed.
And here we are. A long ass day at work. Another week to start. Although, I'm pretty excited that tomorrow marks half way through my pregnancy. I feel like it is flying and I hope that time doesn't slow down anytime soon.
Good thing the gourmet cupcakes are worth coming into work for.
That's all for today. Hope everyone else had a fabulous weekend. I'll be back tomorrow for Baby P's gender reveal! Looks like boy is taking the lead on the poll, but there's still time to vote!

Friday, October 25, 2013

Friday's Letters

I am SO excited it is Friday. I thought I was tired and done by the end of the week before?! No, nothing compares to this tired and done.
Growing a tiny human is hard work.
Dear Big A, you have many pros in your favor this week. The main one being that you're awesome and I love you. You also went and got milk at 9:00 PM the other night (you forgot it in the first place, but still it was sweet of you to get it). However, these sympathy bathroom trips need to end. I don't know why YOU are getting up to go to the bathroom all the time, but it wakes my up and then I havetogorightthenandthereorIwillpeemypants. Except, our upstairs bathroom is torn up and I don't want to go upstairs anyway. So I sit and squirm and then I'm wide awake. And then I fall asleep with just about a minute left before the alarm goes off. No bueno.
Dear Dog Bones, I know people are up and rustling around, but you're a smart animal. You know it is still dark out and you know the alarms haven't gone off. So please stop roaming the house thinking someone is going to take you out. It ain't happening.
Dear Self, I was so proud of you when they put the new drive through in at Dunkin Donuts for putting your foot down and saying you would only go on Friday mornings as a special treat. Way to go you for saving money. However, going to Dunkins when you have a doctor's appointment, or buying a Starbucks every day at lunch with KG is NOT saving money. Also, neither is you spending lots of money every day at lunch with KG. Think about that.
Dear Baby P, you seriously have the coolest taste in music. I mean, I don't know how much you can hear or whatever, but so far you have rocked out to Guns 'N Roses, Aerosmith, and Stone Temple Pilots. It CAN'T be a coincidence that you stop moving the second the song is over. Mama is pretty excited that you share her taste in music. Dad now wants Mama to hang out in the garage with him so you can listen to HIS music. I told him you didn't like it. Haha.
Dear Ultrasound Tech, you are seriously one of my most favorite people on the face of the Earth. I know you don't remember us from February, but we sure remember you. You were exactly what we needed that terrible day and I'll never forget the kind words you said. We loved seeing you again and were so glad that you were the one to share the news about whether we are having a son or daughter. Although... in all honesty...I specifically requested you. So it wasn't much of a coincidence. Thank you for being so amazing. You are in the right field of work.
Dear Baby P, (yes, again) you have just the cutest little face and I can't wait to see what you look like when you're born. The ultrasound tech showed us a really cool view of your face and you  have just the most perfect nose and mouth. Looking at you is seriously one of my favorite things to do.

Seriously, look at that perfect little head and perfect little face. Obviously, Baby P is going to be ridiculously attractive like its parents.
Dear Fellow Blog Mamas, I'm going to start registering tomorrow for my baby shower. What are some "MUST HAVE" items? What are some things they tell you to register for and you never used? I can use all the help I can get!
That's it for today. Also, don't forget to vote for what you think Baby P is at the top right of my blog. Announcement coming Tuesday! I normally hate people who make you wait like this, but I want to make a cute sign for it and I just haven't had the time!
Have a fabulous weekend lovers!

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Thursday Thoughts

Linking up with Jennifer over at Ramblings of a Suburban Mom!
First of all, thanks to everyone for the love yesterday. Everything went well and Baby P is the picture of perfection! Gender announcement will be on Tuesday with my weekly link-up.
I think this is my first (or second) time linking up on this one, so I'm just going to wing it and talk about a bunch of random shit. Which really turned into me going through my phone and finding a bunch of pictures that I want to talk about. Cool? Cool.
* How gorgeous is this rose? My dad has been at my house working on the upstairs so we can get it ready for the baby and for us to move up there. I came home from work one day and he had picked this from his roses. He said it was one of the last ones. He's such a nice Dad!
* I consider myself pretty crafty and relatively skilled in the kitchen. But, apparently sometimes I need to be knocked down a peg or two. And in light of Britt's recent post, with this recent quote that I love so very much...
I'm going to keep it real over here.
I came across this wonderful recipe for apple chips and they sounded right up my pregnant craving alley. So, I go home, cut up the apples (since I was too lazy to get out my fancy chopper thing) and put them in the oven. This is what they are supposed to look like:
But when I went to flip them halfway through, they were all stuck to the pan. Even WITH the parchment paper. I've never seen parchment paper stick to ANYTHING. Ridiculous. I had to soak the pan to get everything off.
Don't they look delicious? Ugh...
Move over Martha! There's a new Bitch in town!

*Edit: I left a comment for the Blogger, wondering what I was doing wrong and she wrote me back immediately, even though this post was from 2012. Apparently parchment paper and wax paper are two separate things. Who knew? Haha.
*Moving on from my baking fails... I've never been able to take screen shots on my phone until I just upgraded. Which has now turned in to me taking a screen shot of every funny thing I find and then sending them to N at special moments. This guy, is my favorite:

* I also find funny things to send to my brother who has been having a bat problem in his house. Complete with him and all of his roommates having to get rabies shots after one fun incident. And then waking up to one on his dresser in the middle of the night. So, I sent him this the next morning when I found out. I'm such a nice sister.

Sidenote: It really isn't that strange for my brother to have a bat problem. These types of things just happen to him. We all kind of just shrugged. Haha.
And that's all we have for this week. I have about a thousand other pictures I could go through, but then we would be here all day!
Head on over to Jennifer's blog and check her out! She's one of my faves!

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

So What! Wednesday & Old Wives' Tales

Linking up with Shannon for So What! Wednesday!
This week I am saying So What! if...
* There is literally nothing else that I care about today other than making it until 3:00 PM for our Gender Ultrasound
* I have a gender preference and I'm not afraid to admit it. Of course, the most important thing is happy and healthy, but you can't help to get your hopes up one way or the other. It doesn't mean that I will be disappointed if I don't get what I want. It just means that if I had a choice then I would pick one over the other.
* Sometimes none of this feels real. I keep telling Big A that I'm going to be looking at the baby in the hospital room wondering where it came from. It's just such a new experience. Which always seem surreal to me.
* My baby shower is 3 months from Friday. How's THAT for putting things in perspective? Do you know how fast the Holiday season goes? You blink and it is January 1st! Then I have about 6 weeks after the shower until my due date. Straight craziness.
* Literally everything in this post is about the baby. It's a pretty big baby day.
* People who tell me they don't want to know the gender or think that I shouldn't find out annoy me sometimes. I mean, I know people mean well, and some people only bother me because about 20,000 other people have given me their opinion, but SOME people are just relentless with it. You can do whatever you want with your kid. All the power to you. But let's just get this one thing don't get to tell me what to do with my kid. And no, I'm not going to keep it a secret because you don't want to find out.
Alright, that's enough of that. I think it would be fun to check out what the Old Wives' Tales are telling and see if they are right!
Here's what we got so far:
Bump High or Low: Low - Boy
Heart rate: 140+ = Girl
Chinese gender prediction: Boy
Mayan: (mom's age + month of conception: even/odd = boy; both even or both odd = girl) Boy
Ring Test: Boy
Acne: Girl (but I've heard both?)
Sick: No - Boy
"Chest Development": Boy
Headaches: Boy
Are you sleeping on your left side more than your right? You are expecting a boy: Boy, but I've always slept on my left side more.
Are you especially moody? You are pregnant with a daughter. Or Cool and calm, you are expecting a son: Boy
Are you tripping all over yourself and dropping things constantly? This means you're having a boy while being smooth and graceful means a girl is on the way: Boy
Who is less stressed in the pregnancy? Whoever is cooler determines the sex. If dad is chill, you are expecting a son. If mom is the cool cucumber, a daughter is on the way: Boy
Apparently according to one study the mother of the baby is right about 71% of the time when she just guesses her baby's sex: Boy

12/14 = Boy
I guess we will just have to wait and see! Let's hope Baby P decides to be cooperative! Any tips for making sure that baby is awake and moving around?

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Bumpdate: 18 Weeks

October 15th – 21st, 2013
So what has been going on this week?
Busy, busy. Still working on the upstairs (well, my dad is… I just listen to the noise and answer questions when asked). Went on a work trip. Broke down and finally bought maternity clothes.
How far along?
18 Weeks.
Maternity Clothes?
Yep. I did it. I was waiting to get on the plane to come back to Boston on Thursday and went to the bathroom quick just in case. That’s when I found out that I had busted the stitching on the zipper of my jeans and it was no longer attached. I decided enough was enough. My Zulily package arrived the next day and I had already made plans to go shopping on Saturday for “when I needed them”. I figured I might as well just relent now when it is a choice! I can still wear a lot of my normal shirts and sweaters though.
Stretch Marks?
I think I found a couple on my thighs, but they might have already been there. Lathering up just in case. Still none on my stomach.

Same. Here and there. I wish it would be a little more consistent. It makes me nervous otherwise, but I know it is normal.

Food cravings?
Eh, nothing sticks. I still have popsicles from time to time. And all of a sudden something will sound good, but it isn’t a life or death situation. Big A on the other hand is trying out some very interesting creations from his sympathy pregnancy cravings! Haha

Nausea, vomiting, or sickness?

What I miss:
Alcohol. A waist line. Ya know. Same ‘ole same ‘ole. I should just leave this every week and add to it. Haha.

Heartburn sporadically. I’m trying not to take anything for it unless it is bad. Blood noses sometimes. I get tired and out of breath easy and I don’t usually notice it until someone comments on my breathing. I need to learn when to slow down.

Best moment this week?
I had a doctor’s appointment on the 21st. It was great to hear that everything looks good, I only gained 3 pounds in 4 weeks, which I’m happy about and to hear the heartbeat again. (you know, after the little brat stopped moving around, which of course scared the shit out of me because I thought she couldn’t find a heartbeat and she knew that he/she was just moving around…not the most fun moment…)

HA! Moving on…


Remember when I talked about how I don’t have to use the bathroom a lot so sleep was fine? Yeah… no bueno. I don’t know if I wake up because I have to pee or if I wake  up and realize I have to pee. Sometimes I can go back to sleep, but other times it is just worth it to get up and go and get back to sleep. It could mean the difference between waking up at 5:30 or being able to sleep in later.

What I'm looking forward to?
The Gender Ultrasound. Hands down. I am so excited to find out what we are having. It will be like a little person. I HATE calling the baby “it” so, it will be awesome to say he or she. I put a little poll on the side for people to guess if they want. And I’ll be posting the results of the “Old Wives’ Tales” tomorrow, if you want to see what those say. I have my suspicions. Call it Mother’s Intuition. We will see if I’m right!
Bump in effect people. Within the past week or two it definitely came out. It looks a whole lot bigger at the end of the day than the beginning. I should take a comparison picture. Also, I totally forgot to take a picture at home. So while I am wearing real clothes, my hair is straightened, and I am wearing make-up, I am taking selfie bump pictures in hotel bathrooms and that's a whole new set of "your mom is crazy, sorry kid". Haha
Linking up with Kristin over at Busy Bee!

Monday, October 21, 2013

Week/Weekend Recap

Hello Friends!
Long time no talk.
I attempted to do Friday's Letters, but I had to email myself the pictures for it and since that apparently took almost 48 hours, here I am. Sometimes I think my phone hates me.
Anyway... I was a little absent last week. Although, I'm a little absent every week. But I had a good excuse. I was in Pittsburgh for a meeting. I flew out on Wednesday and flew back home on Thursday. It was quite the doozy of a trip. I was exhausted by the time I got home. Thankfully, my lovely husband had the common sense to know I would be and came to pick me up, rather than leave me to drive myself home.
He's so good to me.
Pittsburgh was OK. The weather wasn't super awesome, but it wasn't terrible either. It would have been a lot more fun if I could drink and if I wasn't exhausted. I was back in my room by 6:30 PM while everyone else enjoyed the open bar.
And Lord knows I love me some open bar.
My view in the back of the hotel. It was actually really pretty.
In other news Big A and I tried to Fall-ify our house. He has been promising me every year we have been together that we will get pumpkins and we never do. But, everyone in our neighborhood has some sort of Fall decorations so we felt the peer pressure. It's little touches, but they look nice.

Our pumpkin family. The Daddy, the Mommy, the little baby, and the dog pumpkin!
This weekend I finally gave in and bought myself some maternity pants. I noticed that I had broken the stitching on the zipper of my pants before I got on my flight back to Boston. While I can still wear my normal pants (and even zip them, although they aren't very comfortable) I decided it was time to move on, while it was still a choice. I like control, what can I say.
I ordered a couple pairs of pants from Zulily which came and are awesome. And then Mumsie, N, and I headed out to the Outlets to try and get some good deals on clothes. It wasn't that bad. I think it could have been cheaper, but then again I'm pretty damn cheap so there's that.
I never knew how uncomfortable I was until I put on those pants. They were a dream come true. No more muffin top worries. No more pulling my pants up so my underwear doesn't show. It's lovely.
They aren't the sexiest things in the world, but I think since the current state I'm in requires "maternity pants", Big A has gotten enough. Haha. I kid...sort of...
And of course, who can forget this guy...

He thankfully did not destroy anything while I was gone this time. And he was my little buddy when I came home like I had been gone for years. It was cute.
All in all, not a bad week or weekend. I'm exhausted from doing too much on Saturday and Sunday, but someday I'll learn...maybe.
Hope everyone else has a fabulous week. And let's all hope together that the next 3 days go by quick. We have our gender ultrasound on Wednesday at 3:00 PM. Totally unfair that we have to wait ALL day (and until Wednesday since it is supposed to be the same day as my appointment which is today... and they couldn't figure out a way to schedule them together since the doctor was at one building and the ultrasound is at another... let's work on that, K?).

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Bumpdate: 17 Weeks

October 8th – 14th, 2013
So what has been going on this week?
Working on the upstairs still. Started planning the baby shower.
How far along?
17 Weeks.
Maternity Clothes?
Ehhh…still sort of. I can wear most of my normal clothes, plus the belly band. I have some maternity jeans coming from Zulily, so we will see how I like those. I don’t really need to, but I could see them being more comfortable.
Stretch Marks?
Nope. Keeping a close eye out though. I’ve been slacking on the oil so I need to get back into it.
A little here and there. It’s strange. I was talking about how weird it feels, but I definitely get nervous when I don’t feel it for awhile. I know it is still early to feel it all the time, but given everything we went through before, I’m a bit nervous sometimes. Same as last week.
Food cravings?
Nothing really this week. I bought honey roasted peanuts yesterday because I saw them and they were on sale. Big A is convinced that this is because of the baby and not because I’m an impulse buyer who loves a good deal. Haha.
Nausea, vomiting, or sickness?
What I miss:
Alcohol. A waist line. Ya know. Same ‘ole same ‘ole.
Heartburn has subsided a little bit. I still get dizzy and out of breath easy.
Best moment this week?
Finding out that the fact that I’m not absolutely loving being pregnant 100% is totally normal. I talked with a few Mom friends of mine and they all felt the same way. I feel a thousand times better.
Still haven’t tried that DVD. I suck. Haha. I am walking more which is good, but I get out of breath so easy it makes me nervous so I usually don’t stray too far from home since I’m usually home alone when I go.
We find out October 23rd!!! 8 days!!! SOOOOOO close!
It’s hit or miss. Sometimes I sleep awesome, sometimes I don’t. I’m usually pretty all over the place with my sleep patterns though, so this isn’t anything new.
What I'm looking forward to?
Our gender ultrasound! I’m registering the Saturday after we find out, so I can’t wait for that either.
I was going to take a picture when I was all cute and dressed up for the wedding, but I'm a slacker and didn't have my board done. So... another week where I look questionable. Sad.
Linking up with Kristin over at Busy Bee!

Friday, October 11, 2013

Am I An Ogre?

Self pressure.
It's a bitch.
Probably because the second someone else pushes me to do something, I just shut down and don't want to do it. But, I can't really do that with myself, now can I?
Lately I've been feeling like I'm not doing enough for this baby.
I'm not eating well enough, I'm not exercising enough, I'm not preparing enough, I don't have enough money. I just feel like I'm already falling short and the kid isn't even here yet.
I can't wait until the baby actually IS here and then I can REALLY hate myself as a mother. Kidding.
For the most part I don't really FEEL pregnant. Most days, I'm walking around kind of aware that there is an alien a human growing inside of me, but I don't really feel it. I mean, sure I'm feeling movements here and there. Yeah, my clothes are a little tighter and I'm rocking the belly band like it's my job because although I still can, buttoning my pants are much fun.
But nothing feels different. I'm not complaining that I don't have symptoms, trust me. And I have with the heart burn, the nosebleeds, the asthma, the sore back, and the quick exhaustion, but I had all of those problems before. I was lucky enough to kick them for awhile, but they are all back in full force and none of that is out of the ordinary for me.
So it's hard.
I try to eat when I need to, but I've never been a huge eater in the first place. I'm sure that surprises most people seeing as how I went through a fat phase not too long ago, but really, I didn't eat that often, I just ate a lot when I did. And I can't do that now. I know that if I don't eat within a certain amount of time, I don't feel good. I'm dizzy and sick and getting some food in me isn't easy when you just want to crawl into bed because you feel like shit.
But then I gain weight and I think to myself that I'm gaining too much too quick. This kid is going to have a fat mom because by the time he/she is born I'll have 100 pounds to lose and I just won't have the time or energy to do it. My husband will leave me because I am miserable and hate myself and then my kid has to split Christmas with its divorced parents.
OK, OK... I know I'm getting a big melodramatic, but you get the picture. I'm just already worried that I'm not doing enough. That I should be eating fresh organic fruits and vegetables ALL the time and exercising like that crazy girl I used to see at the gym who I thought was going to give birth on the elliptical machine.
But, I don't. I'm tired. Work has been crazy. We are in crazy renovations to the house, so there was all the preparation for the renovation. And now my entire upstairs is torn apart. I'm doing what I can to help, but it isn't much. It's just a lot on my plate right now. I'm not complaining, just rationalizing that I'm doing the best that I can. But then I think that I'm full of shit and I could do better if I really wanted to.
You're your own biggest critic, right?
I mean, I've heard of Mom guilt, but I guess I didn't know it started this early.
I think I'll make a to do list for myself. Things that need to be done before the baby gets here. Obviously eating right and exercising need to be on there, because honestly I'm petrified to gain so much weight.
I know it is vein to think of that. That I should be making the best "home" for my child and that should be my focus, but I JUST got my body back. I was just enjoying being comfortable in my own skin which I hadn't known for YEARS and now I hate that I have to do it all over again. I'm afraid I'm going to lose myself and be miserable. But I'm already trying to figure out ways to get back into shape. I have the treadmill. And I am registering for a travel set that has a mini jogging stroller so we can go for walks while I'm on maternity leave. I'm hoping Big A will be able to support me a little bit in giving me time to get some real exercise in. I'm sure he will want his wife back as soon as possible.
I guess it really just all comes down to how uncomfortable I feel in my own skin. I mean, I know some women LOVE this process. I know a woman who LOVES being pregnant. She would be a surrogate if her husband would get on board with it. Big A is fascinated by the whole thing. Everyone else in the world is excited. And don't get me wrong, I am too. I can not WAIT for this baby to be here. But, I can't help feeling like a visitor in my own body. I have no control over it. It isn't mine. It doesn't look how I want it. I am just here for the ride. And I hate it.
I know that there are many women who would KILL to be in my position. I know some people struggle with infertility and wish that they could have my problems. But I just have to be honest though. This whole pregnancy thing is just not for me. I'm missing that gene I guess. Everyone I know thinks it is the greatest thing and me? I just can't wait for it to be done. (I mean, I can. No coming early Baby P, you stay in there until you are done being cooked) And I feel guilty about it.
Please tell me someone else felt this way? That I'm not the only person in the entire world who just isn't into the whole process. I want the end result. I can't wait to look into those eyes and squish those little baby cheeks and love on that kid forever until they are well into adulthood and I just become embarrassing. I just wish there was a fast forward button. I've heard it is different when you can really feel them. Right now, it's just weird. It feels like someone is tickling my insides which is weird. That's the only way to describe it. The first time was breathtakingly amazing. Every time after that...weird. But I still find myself searching for that feeling, making sure everything is OK.
I'm not an ogre. I'm not a bad person. I'm just someone who doesn't love being pregnant. And that's OK. Right?