Friday, November 29, 2013

How Pregnant Women are Similar to Stoners

Happy Friday Folks!
 
I hope everyone had an absolutely fabulous Turkey Day and that you are all still in your food induced comas today.
 
I'm out and about today enjoying the fact that I don't have to sit in an office chair in front of my computer listening to people complain about the unsatisfactory temperatures in the office place today.
 
So, I figured I would leave you with a lovely little anecdote that I came up with, when I realized that being pregnant is a lot like being a stoner.
 
And here's why: 
 
Every so often, KG and I get together and hit up Target for some work provisions.
 
We get some quick things for lunches, breakfast, snacks, etc.
 
There are two problems with this scenario.
 
1) We usually go AT lunch time, so I'm hungry. Always a bad decision to shop for food when you are hungry.
 
And...
 
2) I'm pregnant. Which means that I want a whole lot of stuff to eat at different times. I don't know what I'll be in the mood for when the hunger strikes and it has to be the right thing, or forget it.
 
These trips usually lead to me unloading the cart at the register and realizing that my selection resembles that of what a stoner would buy on their shopping trips.
 
Case in point:
 
Three different types of Goldfish? WTF?!
 
Which got me thinking... being pregnant IS a lot like being a stoner.
 
Well...without the fun of being high.
 
I mean... not that I would know... never touched the stuff...I just heard about it on an after school special. (Do they still have those?)
 
So, I looked it up. And here's the comparison.


6 Signs of Marijuana Use

1. Loss of train of thought during conversation.
 
I can't even tell you how many times I have been in the middle of a conversation and said, "Wait, what was I talking about?" Pregnancy brain is real people. And it makes conversations difficult.

2. Increased appetite.
 
Umm... this is a given. Sometimes I feel like I could eat and eat and eat and NEVER be full. And then I have one more cracker and I think I'm going to die. It's fun. See picture above if you need to be reminded of my eating habits.
 
3. Lack of energy, loss of motivation.
 
Yeah, this is pretty much every day. I wake up tired. By the time I get home from work, I'm exhausted. The last thing I want to do is ANYTHING. Ever. And now it is cold out? Forget it. I'm not leaving my couch until Spring!
 
4. Inappropriate laughter.
 
Up until last Wednesday, I couldn't tell you the last time that I had a good night's sleep. It was well over 3 weeks. I don't know if you have ever gone that long sleep deprived (I'm sure the other Mama's have) but it REALLY starts to do a number on you. Not only did I want to punch small animals, and cry in a corner, but I was so delirious that I would just laugh at the most ridiculous things. I mean, I'm usually good for laughing at an inappropriate moment out of sheer awkwardness, but this was like fall to the ground, tears down your face laughing.
 
5. Legal or financial problems.
 
Financial problems are very real. Our savings account is rapidly declining due to all the work we are doing on the house and we are feeling a certain tightness on budget that we haven't felt in a long time. Once we start getting snow and then taxes and bonuses, we will be fine again, but there's going to be a month or two where things are going to be tight. Reeeeeal tight. Let's not even get into how expensive things are going to be when Bugsy gets here. Looks like I'll be losing all of my baby weight on the Ramen diet!
 
6. Paranoia.
 
I spend most of my days thinking that absolutely every person I meet is staring at me and my large stomach. Seriously, the entire world is staring at me and thinking I am a huge cow. Also, every strange feeling I have HAS to be something wrong with the baby. It has nothing to do with my body doing things that it has never done before. Nope. Totally something wrong with the baby and then I think of our survival rate if I went into labor right now. Yikes.
 
See? It's pretty spot on. I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have the ever growing midsection that there might be an intervention in my future. But then again, they also found a large comparison between Toddlers and Drunk people, so I'm guessing that most parts of Motherhood and Children have a lot of similarities to drug and alcohol use.
 
Have a good weekend folks!

2 comments:

  1. Haha! I wasn't real sure where you were going with this until you hit the 6 signs of Marijuana use and then I just busted out laughing. It is pretty crazy how similar they are, haha! Hope you had a great weekend!

    ReplyDelete

Little Somethings...