Friday, February 14, 2014

I've Had Enough of This Shit... Literally

It's been quite the interesting adventure at the P household the last couple days... although the "P" household might be more fitting than we originally thought.

Tuesday night, I went to take a nice, long, hot shower. I started the water to warm it up and got ready to get in the shower. I noticed when I flushed the toilet that it started to overflow.

Not to over share here... but there was no reason for it to overflow. There was barely anything in there. We're talking #1 only people. I tried flushing it again and it came up higher. Great.

I went to the shower to turn off the water and noticed that it wasn't draining. In fact, it was filling up the shower quite quickly. Awesome.

So, I did my best plumber skills, somehow managed to find our plunger amidst the chaos of the construction on the second floor, and got to work.

I'm going to confess that I've always had a little fascination with fixing toilets. I'm pretty good at it. If this gig as an Executive Assistant (or trophy wife) doesn't pan out, I'm going to plumbing school. Unfortunately, none of my trick worked this time.

I tried plunging the shower, and that just made things worse. In fact, now water was coming out of the drain for the washing machine. I knew we were in some deep shit when that happened. (THANKFULLY, all of this water was relatively clean. Despite some gunk from the shower drain, the water was clear. I'm SO glad nothing foul was coming out, otherwise we probably would have had vomit to clean up as well)

Let's recap. Pee, poop, shower gunk, vomit. If this isn't a prime example of "keeping it real" then I don't know what is.

Anyway. I somewhat hysterically call Big A, who is out in the garage, blurted out everything that was happening and told him he needed to come inside NOW.

A minute later, Big A and his partner in crime J came in to check everything out.

It didn't take long for them to realize that there was a clog in the pipes. They tried to see what they could do, but they needed more tools and it was too late to head on out to the good 'ole Home Depot.

I was instructed not to use any water. No hand washing, no toilet flushing, nothing.

Let's just take a side moment to talk about the fact that in a few short days I will be nine mother fucking months pregnant.

I can't shower, wash my hands, brush my teeth, clean up the dishes, or flush the fucking toilet.

I digress...

Thursday, we were due to have a snowstorm. Of course.

Big A and J worked on it after work on Wednesday, but they couldn't get anywhere with it. They needed bigger tools that they just didn't have. It was time to call in the professionals.

Between the pipes problem and the snow, I decided to just go ahead and work from home.

Big A woke up early (on his day off) and called a septic company to come look at the problem. Our minds were racing wondering how bad things were going to be. When we were originally looking at the house, we learned that it wasn't a septic tank, but in fact a cesspool. It was almost a deal breaker. BUT, we loved the house and they had done some relatively recent updates on it, so we went with it.

Now, all of that was swirling in our heads. We hunted down the Title 5 and all of the past emails we had regarding the cesspool, how it functioned, how often it was pumped, etc. but we were pretty clueless about it all. So we just freaked out together and hoped for the best.

Big A called the company, calmly explained the issue (and the fact that he had a nine month pregnant wife who wasn't allowed to use the water), and they agreed to send someone right out. We love them. I headed over to my parents' house to shower before the snow got bad and when I got back the guy was there within a few minutes.

Unfortunately, it's Winter in New England, and in the middle of a snow storm, so it took the guy and Big A a couple hours to dig enough to find the cap. We knew if he opened the cap and everything was a wreck, we were screwed. $35,000 for a new septic system was NOT in our budget.

Thankfully, it wasn't. There was speculation about the pipe having collapsed, but the guy wasn't sure. He didn't handle that. He told us that there was definitely a clog, and if the pipe had collapsed we would have to rip everything up (the backyard, our deck, etc.) to fix it. Awesome.

So, now we called a SECOND company and they came out and worked with Big A and J to try and free the clog. Luckily, they were able to do it after some fighting with it, and the pipe was not collapsed. Thank you Baby Jesus.

$500, a large hole in the backyard, and two days of no water usage, and we were back in action. I immediately cleaned the shower and the toilet, put all the dishes in the dishwasher, splashed water all over the place while doing an interpretive dance entitled "I love working plumbing"...

Big A was done just in time to head out plowing. Poor guy.

By this time I was done working for the day, so I decided to get working on some stuff for the upstairs. My dad had just reinstalled the toilet and sink so I decided to head up and clean them quick before doing some work on the nursery.

I flushed the toilet to clear it a bit (since it had been sitting unused and not hooked up to anything for a couple months) and then put in the toilet cleaner (you would think I would be over toilets by now, but I literally just wanted to flush every toilet that ever existed) and started scrubbing.

Then I noticed that there was water coming out from underneath the toilet. Great.

I ran downstairs to grab a towel and the water was leaking from the CEILING! All over the bathroom.

I wanted to jump off the roof.

I called my dad and we think there's a problem with the seal he bought. I turned off the valve, cleaned up the mess, and resisted the urge to throw myself down the stairs.

I spent the rest of the night getting things organized in the baby's room and felt a whole lot better about things by the time Big A got home. At 8:30. And then I realized I never ate dinner. Awesome.

I whip up dinner, hang with Big A for a little bit, and then began another lovely night of shitty sleep. I tossed and turned as usual and finally found the comfy spot right about 3:30 in the morning. Which is exactly when my dad's air compressor decided to go off, sending the dog in a fucking panic running under the bed, and Big A and I confused.

No clue why it hadn't gone off in the two days since he had been there, but whatever. He forgot to unplug it and I began thinking of all the clever ways I was going to rudely text him about it in the morning.

I finally fell back asleep around 4:45 AM, just in time for Big A's alarm clock to go off so he could go out and finish plowing.

It's been super fun.

So, now Big A and I plan to have a nice romantic evening, enjoying our working plumbing, and being in bed by 9:00 PM because we are both fucking exhausted.

We keep talking about how we are going to look back on this and laugh. Like we did about our pipes freezing all the time, our shitty neighbors, the black rancid lobster tails, etc. etc.

However, today is not the day. It's still not funny.

I was going to take pictures of all of this calamity. Well not pictures of my overflowing toilet, but maybe the snow and the guys digging, but I was already on the verge of a nervous breakdown and I think having photo evidence would have sent me over the edge.

And that my friends, has been my week. If you're still with me, thanks for reading. It's been a long one.

I keep trying to say that it could have been a lot worse, but right now, it still is kind of sucky.

Hopefully, we will have a nice, boring, uneventful weekend.

And I hope you all do too!


  1. god! What a nightmare of a couple days!! You must have been stressed to the max! I hope that you have a weekend full of NOTHING! xoxo

  2. yikes yikes yikes. That's a disaster!! I do like that you mentioned that you cleaned things up and worked on things in the nursery. I would be crying and cussing. There would be nothing productive from me happening until everything was completely resolved. Trooper you are!


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