Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Ramblings of a Mama to her Son

As I sit watching you eat, noticing your tiny perfect face, taking in every inch of your features, I'm amazed at how far we have come. The blanket on the foot stool reminds me of those early days. When you were so tiny. Well...as tiny as you ever were. I remember sitting in that rocking chair. The house cold, dark, and quiet. Still so unsure of myself. My abilities.  Running through the night on autopilot. Diaper, bottle, sleep. Lather, rinse, repeat.  Those days are such a blur, but I'm so glad I took those moments to stop and take everything in when you were eating. Those night time feedings were exhausting,  constantly wiping the sleep from my eyes, struggling to stay awake. Spending most of my time with various itches as not to disturb you while sleeping. But... they gave me moments to pause. I always used this time to reflect. To notice how you have grown. To remember the days when you fit snugly inside my arms. To soak up every second of you being my baby. My son. My first born.
 
I can't help but think of how far we have come in such a short time. Those first few weeks were tough ones. We were learning to figure out your signs and cues. Attempting to be one step ahead of your needs. It didn't really go so well for awhile, but we eventually started to learn your little quirks. Like when you hold your hands together and rub them on your mouth, you're hungry (Although you're starting to grow out of that and it's slowly breaking your Mommy's heart. It was the first thing I noticed about you when you were born and I want to hold onto that moment forever). How if you are squiggling all over the place whole you are eating a bottle, then you need a nice burp (Another thing you are slowly growing out of). You have started to rub your eyes when you get sleepy. Which is a fun little tip for us because you start doing it WELL before you have reached your breaking point.
 
The days of an overtired, hungry baby are fewer and far between. We have settled into a nice little routine and while we deviate from it slightly, we try to keep to it as much as possible. We have seen your wrath and we do not want to see it often. You turn into quite the Tasmanian Devil. I remember those days of a sweet, tiny sleepy baby. You may have cried, but you didn't have the strength to attempt to throw yourself out of our arms yet. We can tell that you are going to be a fiercely independent little boy and while I know it will make my job as your mom a little harder, I know that you will be a force to be reckoned with and this world won't take you down.
 
You take everything you see in. You stare quietly, focusing on each and every little thing around you. A bird flying by. A car passing. The grass. The leaves. The sun. It amazes me to watch you take the whole world in. You rarely make a peep when you are outside, unless actively engaged by someone. It's a time for learning and reflection for you. You have your Daddy's strength and determination (which comes from Mommy a bit too!) but you also have my thoughtful perspective too. Your Daddy and I hope that you are a Renaissance man of sorts. Good with your hands, but with a thirst for knowledge (and knowing how to cook, clean, and go laundry. Your future wife will thank me!)
 
Every day you amaze us. Every single day. You are growing so fast and you're such a smart little boy. You are picking things up at lightning speed and we feel like if we blink too long we are going to miss something. It's starting to get a little harder to go to work, for both of us. We are just enjoying our time with you so much that we just hate those long days in between that keep us apart.
 
Each and every day I am just so proud to be your Mom. Even when you wake up at 4:45 in the morning and refuse to go back to sleep. You're all smiles. Chatting away. Like you have the biggest world secrets to tell me and sleep can wait. Eventually, you fall back asleep right about when I'm supposed to go to work, but I still can't help but smile at your sweet sleeping face.
 
We used to imagine what you would look like and how you would be after you were born. We spent so many nights wondering. It was so weird to us to love someone so much without ever knowing what they would look like. And now we wonder how you will be when you are older. What your voice will sound like. What you will be into. It's just so amazing to think of all the possibilities for you in the future. You truly are an amazing little boy, and the best thing we have ever done without lives.
 
We can't even imagine a life without you. You just fit into our hearts so completely right from the very beginning. Even now, it feels like a lifetime ago from when we first brought you home from the hospital, when in reality it has only been 12 weeks.
 
We love you little man and your daddy and I can't wait to watch you grow!

3 comments:

  1. You had me tearing up by the end of the first paragraph. LOVE this!! I can't wait for this! :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. I love this post :) that is all

    ReplyDelete
  3. so so sweet, you are such a great mommy :)

    ReplyDelete

Little Somethings...