Wednesday, October 28, 2015

It's my Baby and I'll Twerk if I Want to!

It's a common theme that well-intentioned family, friends, and random strangers constantly want to know what you are doing with your life. Specifically, your body.
The questions come almost immediately once you reach a certain age or phase in your life.
When are you having a baby?
The questions are incessant. They can also be rather personal as well. I'm a firm believer that you never know someone's story and you should be careful with what you ask.
I remember when I was still picking up the pieces of my life, fresh off the news of our miscarriage, and having people ask when we were planning on having children. It was like a knife to my heart. Obviously, this person had no clue what I was going through, but wasn't that the point? With so many issues regarding fertility (not to mention just personal choices - maybe I didn't want kids or wasn't ready), it can be a hurtful subject for many people. Not to mention, none of your damn business.
Eventually, we were blessed with our sweet boy, but then we were met with the comments"
Well, you guys didn't waste any time.
In one world, I wasn't having children quick enough. In another world, because I got pregnant within the first year of marriage (and we also bought a house, but whatever), it was too quick. I can only imagine what the comments would have been if we were able to keep our first pregnancy. We got married in September, closed on our house in December, and found out we were pregnant at the end of January. The scandal!
Once our son was born it didn't take long before the questions started again.
When are you having another?
My answer is never good enough. I should do it sooner. I should wait longer. This person did this. This person did that. How many children do we want? That's too many. That's not enough. It never ends.
And that's just the conversations about getting pregnant.
The questions and comments that I received WHILE pregnant, were ridiculous. It was like all of a sudden, every single part of my life and my body were up for discussion. And as a relatively private person this didn't go over well for me. (I'm fully aware that I spill my guts for the entire internet to read, but honestly I can't see all of you people, so I get to be a little brave!)
I just don't understand why people think it is necessary or RIGHT to tell a woman what to do with her body and when. (I could get into the more "hot" topics regarding this issue, but I don't need to start a shit storm. We all have our opinions)
Would we ever say this to a man?
I was having this entire discussion with a friend at lunch the other day when I came back to work and ready this post.
It was about a woman, a dancer, who is currently pregnant, dancing in a dance routine with a class. Let's just start out by saying, that my dance moves resemble that of someone sticking their finger in a socket while standing in a pool of water on a GOOD day. When I was pregnant? Please. I couldn't even handle getting up from the couch with grace, let alone actually performing anything that might have slightly resembled a dance rather than a large mammoth having a seizure.
I applaud this woman. And in the attempt to never let the 90's go, I would just like to say, "YOU GO GIRL!"
But you know what happened?
Instead of people being amazed that she could still perform like this, while obviously having to work around a large belly, they shamed her. Told her she was hurting her baby. Possibly killing it. That she was irresponsible.
So... let me get this straight.
This woman, stayed in shape, was active, and kept up her daily life while pregnant, and she's a terrible person?
I'm sorry, don't we also shame those women who DON'T stay in shape during pregnancy and gain too much weight?
Aren't we constantly telling women that it is healthier for them AND the baby to stay active during pregnancy? That it helps with labor and delivery? And to have healthier babies?
We can't win.
Raise your hand if you are sick of society telling you what you can and can not, should and should not do with your body!

Yeah. That's pretty much how I feel.
So... the next time you go to ask someone about their personal life/body/gestating plans/etc. stop and think. Ask yourself:
Is this my business?
Would I want this person asking me this?
Could this be a sensitive subject?
Am I an asshat who has no idea about personal boundaries?
Just a few questions to stop you from making a mistake. Think before you speak people. Because if I have one more person as me one of the above questions, I can't guarantee what I'll do.

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